Just a couple things worth mentioning...

I may be back

2011-06-29T12:24:00.002-05:00

I e-mailed a friend and former colleague today. Brought back a ton of memories and just got me thinking about how we all view situations differently.

Jane

2010-08-29T17:40:00.002-05:00

Born on Saturday, April 24th. 7 pounds 9 ounces. I am in love.

She's over 4 months now but here she is at 11 weeks coming out of a bath.

More updates

2009-11-27T11:11:00.000-05:00

It's a girl.

Update

2009-11-24T13:38:00.001-05:00

Newest update: we're expecting a baby on April 20th, 2010.

Just married

2009-01-21T13:43:00.002-05:00

So you know when...

2007-07-19T13:55:00.000-05:00

So you know when you are talking to a customer on the phone and going on and on because you are actually pretty longwinded and you notice that it’s a bit quiet on the other end so you repeat their name a few times, realize you lost them, hang up and wait for them to call back all the while wondering, “Hmm… I wonder how long ago I lost him?” and then realize it was probably a good three or four minutes ago? Yeah me too.

Clean Air Reminder

2007-07-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

If you live in the Philadlephia area and use PECO/Exelon Electricity pretty please with sugar on top enroll in their PECO Wind Energy program. It really DOES make a difference. It may cost a bit more but having a planet to live on in 50 years is worth it don't you think?

http://www.exeloncorp.com/ourcompanies/peco/pecores/peco_wind/

Is it just me?!

2007-07-10T09:48:00.000-05:00

I was contacted last night by someone in our California offices who asked me if I would please e-mail and set up a time to interview a prospective hire this week. She lives here in Philly and they asked if I could talk to her about the company and how it is working from home, etc.

I sent the woman a nice e-mail giving her a quick and funny snapshot into my life working from home and said I’d be happy to talk to her further if there was a good time to reach her.

She replied back this morning and asked if I was free after 9. AT NIGHT. Are you fucking kidding me? Who asks that? 9 PM. When most normal people go to bed. And a good 3 hours after NORMAL business hours cease.

Now, at my company we really do work 24/7 but what little spoiled, Ivy league grad student twit who only works THREE HOURS A DAY asks someone who is supposed to be talking to them about the company they want to work for if they could talk after 9:00 PM because it would be more convenient for them?! GOOD FUCKING GRIEF. Starting a conversation at 9 means we wouldn’t end until 9:30 or 10.

SO, I wrote her back and said, no, as I have a life, I can only speak to her during normal business hours: 8 to 6. She didn’t seem offended at all. In fact, she wrote, “Figured I'd give it a shot in case you were an evening worker!” So she said Friday at 10:00 AM would be fine.

Even if I were an evening worker does that seem right to you? Is it me being old? Is it her being a selfish twit? I just can’t get over this. Am I being crazy?!? Overreacting? Anyone out there hold an interview after 9 at night when the position is NOT a night job?!?! Yeesh…

So very, very handy

2007-07-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you a little bit about Train Guy. He’s 50% OCD and 50% ADD. It’s an interesting combination and can work well in his profession which is research/engineering/lasers stuff (vague enough for you?). TG can fix anything or will die trying. His at home helpfulness specialty is fixing any object that has electricity running through it.

For example, in my basement I had a broken dehumidifier that I couldn’t throw out in the trash and so I’ve been waiting for the Hazardous Waste pick up day. TG sees the dehumidifier, asks what’s wrong and I reply with, “It’s broken.”

I went down to the basement the next day and in the middle of the floor was every single piece of the dehumidifier arranged on the floor. Every screw, wire, EVERYTHING. Also surrounding this was water and my good NO LONGER WHITE towels mashed into mud puddles sopping up the mess.

“UH, TG? WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t broken. The thingamajig had come loose from the thingabob and the doohickey needed blah, blah, blah, blah,blah…”

“So it WAS broken and now you fixed it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, since you fixed it I won’t give you a hard time for cleaning up your mess with my GOOD towels.”

“Oops.”

Here’s an example of his ADD. We now have 50 different projects in various states of completion all over the house. He sees a project and starts it and then thinks of another that can be started that might be more interesting, drops the first one, starts the second one and so on and so forth. Now I must admit he’s not one of those guys (and I’ve dated quite a few) who starts a project and never finishes. Oh DEAR GOD NO. Because then the OCD kicks in and he realizes they all need to be finished NOW. He needs to finish every single one of them. He can’t sit still. To the degree that I have to pull him away to make him go to sleep while repeating, "Don't worry it will still be there in the morning." We actually never go to the movies because he can’t sit still thru one. Renting one is a pain but I’ve learned that pausing a movie is just what has to happen with him while a fly or the idea of a new project gets his attention and he wanders away. I’ve gotten used to it and respect it as much as it annoys the living daylights out of me. But I digress.

One other person who is really benefiting from all of TG’s ADD/OCDness is my Father.

My Father has a MILD version of what TG has. He was always building something, hammering, working on something. Whether it’s his gardening or Mom needed a new bookshelf built or the car needed fixing my Dad could do it. Now that he’s gotten older he doesn’t do it as much but there are some things he doesn’t understand as well as SAYYYYY, Train Guy.

Now my Dad calls the house and asks for TG. “Hi, is TG there? I have a computer question.” Or a TV/DVD question or a phone question or anything that involves wire question. And TG loves to help out. “No problem, K! Just do XYZ” OR “I’ll be right over!” And then he drops whatever he's working on and goes over to start one of Dad's projects.

This is odd for me. Neither of my parents ever gave a rat’s ass about who I was dating. They always stayed out of my and my sister’s relationships. They never offered advice, never asked questions, never paid any attention to the guy. Nothing. I actually asked my parents what they thought when I told them TG was moving in and my Mother said, “Well, as long as you’re happy that’s all that counts.” End of story. They were always nice and polite but just never really cared about the boyfriends. Until now. Now I see my parents as actually LIKING TG which makes me unbelievably happy.

So my sister, J, is flying in to Philly today with her daughter, O, and they’re going to stay a week. We’re all really thrilled and have been checking the weather every hour since Dallas (where my sister lives) is under 100 miles of water and is expecting storms and so are we. So Dad calls and says…

“Your sister says the flight is on time. She also asked if we had one of those little handheld recorders. Apparently O likes J to read her stories into it at night and then when they go on trips O plays the stories back. J wanted to know if we had an extra recorder because hers is broken.”

“Oh, sorry, Dad, I don’t have one.”

“Oh, no, that’s OK. I told her to pack the broken one because we have Train Guy. And he can fix anything.”

Seriously, I’ve never been happier. And don’t even get me started on when my Mom calls to ask TG exactly how he makes his stuffed Portobello mushrooms with balsamic vinegar reduction… YEESH.

It ain't pretty anymore...

2007-07-03T08:01:00.000-05:00

Now that I work from home and now that it’s summer I don’t “get ready in the morning.” My getting ready involves throwing on the exact same outfit (and I use that term loosely as an old pair of shorts and stained Old Navy t-shirt doesn’t quite qualify as “outfit” in my book, but I digress) as the night before. I do still shower. Everyday. I promise. But I now never use a hair dryer and if I’m feeling particularly sexy I may put on some mascara and, gasp, BLISTEX! Poor Train Guy.

So on Sunday night my friend M and her husband G had us over for dinner. I decided to get gussied up. Clean white t-shirt, pink capri pants, and make-up including mascara, eye-liner and a little powder. Then, to make a big splash, I dried my hair. I don’t think my hair dryer has been turned on in about 6 months. SO I blew it straight and we walked out the door.

M , upon our arrival exclaimed, “Wow, you look so pretty. You never look like that anymore!” Wow. Am I that bad?!? And then Train Guy exclaimed, “If I had said that to you you would have yelled at me and then hit me for good measure.” And he’s right.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go put on some eyeliner.

Things that annoy me

2007-06-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

Traveling 9 hours in one day for a 45 minute meeting. In 90 degree weather. In the rain. Without an umbrella. And then not getting the business.

News item

2007-06-15T08:50:00.000-05:00

I don't usually post on current events but I am FURIOUS. I'm sure you've all heard about the young man in Georgia who is imprisoned for having consenual oral sex when he was 17 with a 15 year old. It's not my business what they were doing but one thing I can't stop thinking about is do you think the stupid state of Georgia is now going to look up the records of EVERY, SINGLE woman who had a baby under the age of 18, see who the father is, his age, and then go lock him up? Because that's what they will have to do now right? If they're going to go by the law and everything. I hope they build some new jails because they're going to get full awfully fast.

F****** idiots. Way to ruin a young man's life. He was an honor student, athlete and good kid but even if he was a scum-sucking bastard, and it was consensual he still shouldn't be treated this way.

So you know when (OR, the alternate title: THIS IS ONE OF THE MANY REASONS I WILL NEVER HAVE A CHILD)…..

2007-06-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

So you know when your next door neighbor has her perfect baby girl and her husband can not get out of work and can’t bring her home from the hospital so YOU have to be the one to drive their car over to get her and they ask you to please bring the baby seat thing from the back of their car into the hospital with you but they neglect to tell you, the woman who doesn’t even know which end of a baby is up, how the hell the stupid F******* contraption comes apart from the base in the back seat and you sit in the hospital parking lot practically in tears because it just does not seem to come apart just to look up and notice that uh, you’re an IDIOT and have been trying to pull apart their TODDLER’S car seat which doesn’t actually come apart so you look around to make sure no one has actually witnessed your stupidity and you walk calmly over to the other side of the car, where the baby seat is located, open the door, see the red eject button or whatever it’s called right in plain sight, push it and the car seat pops right out? Yeah, me too.

Pisses me off

2007-06-13T13:03:00.000-05:00

When you send me a really rude e-mail insisting that I call you at X time at X number and then when I dial X number it seems it's not in service.

Thank you for making me reorganize my schedule and wasting my time. How very thoughtful of you. Next time we'll be working around MY schedule because apparently you're not smart enough to remember 10 simple numbers. And yes, those 10 simple numbers would be to your own HOME phone number.

Yeesh.

Does this button turn it on?

2007-06-11T15:17:00.000-05:00

So there are some nice benefits to having Train Guy move in. Someone who thinks it actually IS his job to take out the trash. Someone who assumes that he build the furniture from Ikea not leave it to the incompetent female and also someone who comes fully equipped with electronics equipment. And lots of it.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about that kind of stuff. I rarely, if ever, listen to music, I gave away an iPod Nano that I won and the only radio station I really ever listen to is NPR. So when TG moved in and brought his fancy schmancy crap I was nervous. “Um, so how does Car Talk sound on that thing and where the hell is the ‘on’ button?” was the first question. Then he brought over the 50” high definition flat screen. Holy crap. I always thought it was ridiculous, the picture on the 27” TV I’ve had for 8 years was just perfect, thank you very much. I don’t want to have to move my head from side to side to watch something. And really, how clearly does one need to see Alex Trebek?

And then, THEN, we found out to get HD service we have to get a new DirecTV dish on the house. AND it has to be the size, roughly, of my car…. Great. This sarcasm is for two reasons: one, I’m the one who works from home and will have to wait for the guy and two, and most importantly, when the last guy came, a total ASSHOLE I might add, he said that the only place it would get service would be right on the front of the house. I was SOOOO pissed. I said "fiiiiiiine" and then two weeks later the woman down the street got the same dish in the place I wanted it on my house!

Back to the present, the HD dish is huge and I don’t want that thing on the front of the house. So I tell the DirecTV people on the phone what happened last time and if they send someone out and they can’t put the thing somewhere else I don’t want it. (Can you hear Train Guy whining in the background? Just imagine it, it’s pathetic.)

Skip to the present. DirecTV guy is, is polite, sweet, nice and says, “You know, I can put this on the back of your house. You won’t see it from the street and then from the back I can put it in front of the chimney so it will be blocked from view when you’re in your yard.

I nearly kissed him. Really.

Maybe the electronics will stay. Now excuse me while I go look for the “power on” button on the TV.

Last night's dinner conversation

2007-06-08T08:59:00.000-05:00

Train Guy: I can’t believe you invited them for dinner, you don’t know anything about them. We met them at a B&B in Napa! They could be psychos!

Me: Oh shut up, they were nice, we had fun talking with them over breakfast. Like you're one to talk! You’re now LIVING with a woman you met in a TRAIN STATION!

The past 4 months

2007-06-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

So the past 4 months really have been crazy. Work is insane. For awhile I was wondering why I left my cushy 5 day a week job that I always got done in 2 days for this hectic, frantic paced 80 hour a week job. I thought I gave up working those kinds of hours YEARS ago! I've earned a slower pace! But then I realized how awesome the company is even though my big, bad bureacratic nightmare company took us over and I'm happy. Really, happy.

BUT, in answer to Isabelle's e-mail: Train Guy (yes, he's still with me) took me to the Adirondacks for our weekend away. (I won't even bother linking to the post because it's only referenced about 4 posts down. Go ahead and refresh your memory. I'll wait.) It was gorgeous and restful and we ate and drank way too much and completely disappointed his Mother when she heard it was just a weekend away and her precious first-born had NOT proposed. We are years away from that, People. Really.

What else, what else... oh yeah! So remember how I met Train Guy? Yeah, I met him waiting in line at 30th Street Station during a transit strike when the train lines went down. He was this adorable kid who kept interrupting my conversation with a perfectly lovely woman who is an architect? Anyway, mild flirting for a few months, a hot first date at which I thought he was picking me up in his father's car and 18 months later he's moved in. That's right. We're living in sin.

OK, back to work. More to post tomorrow.

HI!!!

2007-06-07T14:36:00.000-05:00

I am so seriously flattered that you guys still come back to check if I'm still writing! Well, now I can't disappoint! Posts will follow.... PROMISE. Cross my heart and hope to die with a pinkie swear.

Hmmm... so THIS is my blog

2007-06-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

I think I forgot about it. It's been awhile. Almost 4 months. It's been a pretty damned busy 4 months too.

Here are the top 3 reasons I haven't posted:

1. Work is kicking my ass.
2. Work is keeping me super busy.
3. All I do is work.

BUT good news is that my work is kind of cyclical and now we're on a down cycle so I may start posting. Who knows if anyone even reads this anymore though. I promise to post daily, if not every other day if you guys are still out there!

SO very, very pissed off

2007-02-19T16:43:00.000-05:00

So my awesome new company? The free-spirited, Silicon Valley residing, foosball loving, kick ass company of 4o I left the big, bad, bureaucratic nightmarish, employee hating company for? Yeah, they just sold to the big bad corporation I used to work for. Welcome home, E.

Advice from E

2007-02-06T16:38:00.001-05:00

Things you shouldn’t say out loud in public: “Oh God my ass hurts” – you’re probably the only one who knows it’s from a long and torturous gym work out overseen by Mr. Zinfandel.

And when a guy says to you, “Hey, let’s try this, I saw it in a magazine!” don’t do it. No matter what magazine he saw it in. Mr. Zinfandel is looking for new ways in magazines to torture me at the gym. That’s what made my ass hurt. And thighs. And calves. And hamstrings. And some other muscles I never knew I had in the lower half of my body. Bastard.

And finally, don't think that going to the gym guarantees weight loss. Even if you work out really hard. I'm gaining weight. Of course it could be because I come home and am STARVING so I eat the entire contents of my fridge... then restock it... then do it all over again the next day... stupid "getting in shape" resolution...

Loved it

2007-02-05T13:42:00.000-05:00

I love the Superbowl. For a couple of reasons. One it's the second most gluttonous holiday (Thanksgiving is #1) and two, I, along with the rest of the world, love the commercials. And this year I did have a favorite. Some were REALLY funny! Some, not so much. I'm almost embarrassed of my favorite but it made me laugh so hard and the guy deserves MUCH credit for doing it (or his publicist for telling him it was a good idea). Yup, that's right, I'm going to admit it. I think the Nationwide Kevin Federline commercial was AWESOME. HYSTERICAL. LOVED IT.
Watch it here.

Trip guessing

2007-02-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

OK, so I’ve decided to take a daily guess as to where Train Guy is taking me for the weekend of March 30th:

Guess #1 – We’re going to Pocono Speedway to watch the race cars. No, neither of us have any interest in car racing or whatever the hell they call it when lots of cars drive really fast around a closed track.

Guess #2 – We’re going to eat at every single Buffalo Wild Wings in a 100 mile radius.

Squance (see comments on my last post) thought TG will be taking me on a lovely nostalgia tour of beautiful Cincinnati, Ohio. God, I hope not. No offense…

So far in 2007...

2007-02-01T12:17:00.000-05:00

I’ve resolved to stop offering to do things for people. Now, that’s not to say if you need a favor and you’re in a bind I won’t help you out but I am getting pretty sick of myself always leaping to everyone’s aid when it actually puts me out. Why do I do it? Who knows but I am making an effort to say, “Actually, no. I don’t want to offer to help you out with XYZ because I really HATE XYZ.” I’m sure I’ll find a nice way to say it though. Or maybe not. For awhile there I was really feeling taken advantage of but then Train Guy reminded me that I didn’t really NEED to say “yes” when people asked. It was a big moment for me. NO. NO. NO. See? I think I’m getting better already!

The new job is keeping me really busy and my new routine of hitting the gym at 6:30 in the morning more days than not during the week is just adding to my exhaustion. But it’s all a good exhaustion. A “wow, things are really good, I’m really happy and my life is full” kind of exhaustion.

Besides the same old same old here Train Guy sent me the following e-mail yesterday:

“We have plans the weekend of march 30th and will not be home. We will also need to leave earlyish on friday (before noon if possible). Find a dog sitter. It's a surprise!
love,
(Train Guy)"

Well now. I like surprises but I also have the patience of a gnat so I’m already losing my mind wondering where we’re going. Eight weeks? He expects me to be patient for 8 weeks and not bug the living shit out of him asking “Where are we going?!” He’s already threatened twice to cancel it since my asking is annoying him. The way I see it it’s his fault for bringing it up 56 DAYS in advance and not actually expecting me to plead…. and here I thought he knew me so well…

Hmmm.. I wonder where we’re going since TG doesn’t believe in spending money on vacations. He sees it as a waste of money and would rather dump money into cars which I see as a waste but whatever. So where to? Has to be within driving distance and he said he’d tell me what to pack the night before So far my two guesses are my friends’ beach house since that’s where we went last year at that time for a long weekend or we’re heading to the Home Depot to buy paint to paint my ceilings all weekend. I’ve been nagging him to help me with that for a long time now. Now THAT would be an awesome surprise

So you know when you have a couple things worth mentioning?

2006-12-21T15:10:00.000-05:00

So you know when you go to your favorite blogs and they haven’t updated and you get really annoyed and you keep coming back and checking and then cursing them out for not posting because HELLO you need entertainment too and HELLO it’s been AGES? Yeah, me too. So, again, I suck and apologize. And in no way am I inferring that I’m one of your favorite blogs but I DO know for a fact that I am my Mom’s favorite blog so this one’s for you, Mom!!

Random things not worth mentioning but I’m going to anyway:

How does a girlfriend ruin her boyfriend’s FIRST Christmas? When in the car and he brings up something just say, “No, I wouldn’t want that, I’d never use it. That would be a ridiculous gift.” Then have him get quiet and say, “Um, I guess I need to go out shopping again.” Oh can the guilt be any worse?

Seriously, I wrote about it last year but when your children are old enough to have their OWN kids, please don’t send out the x-mas photo card with them as the photo. It’s creepy.

Remember this one? Remember how I made fun of Chrome cologne? How could it smell good, I wrote? Yeah, last month as I was falling asleep with my head on Train Guy’s chest I asked, what IS the cologne you wear? Yeah, take a guess. That’s right and you know what? It smells AWESOME and makes me weak in the knees every single time I smell it… of course I feel the same way when he’s not wearing it but just looking at him. Yeah, you can go throw up now. In fact, I may throw up now too.

My Mom gave me the gift of health for Xmas and gave me a gym membership. I now go every morning (well, for the past 3 mornings –she just gave it me) at 6:30 with Mr. Zinfandel up the street. He’s a physical therapist so in addition to having someone to carpool with and motivate me to get up and go every morning he’s been acting as my own personal trainer. He rocks. Santa may bring him a nice bottle of White Zin for Christmas….

Why do women apply lipstick BEFORE working out? Carefully. At 6:30 in the morning?

Why do people keep sending me boxes of chocolates when they know I can’t eat them? I guess I shouldn't complain. Train Guy really is enjoying them and since I've ruined Christmas for him maybe chocolate will help him forget how much I suck…

I sure can pick 'em

2006-12-14T14:04:00.000-05:00

While in the car last night:

Me: Would you please roll up your window?
Train Guy: Excuse me but I’m flicking a booger out the window, your Royal Highness!!

This is what I get for dating a guy 7 years my junior. Sigh…

Most annoying thing SO FAR about working from home

2006-12-12T15:21:00.000-05:00

I keep dialing "9" to get an outside phone line.

I nearly forgot my Blogger password

2006-12-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

Holy crap. It’s been two weeks since I last posted. My apologies to the 1 reader I have left: my Mom. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off ever since I left my last job and started the new one a mere 36 hours later. And I just haven’t had a minute to myself.

As for the new job, well, you know how when you make a decision and all you can think of is, “Oh Dear God what have I done? This is the biggest mistake of my life and how the hell am I going to get out of this one?” Yeah, well, I feel exactly the OPPOSITE!! Holy shit who knew one could love their job and company this much?!? Seriously, people, you can! I never knew how miserable I really was! The new job is AWESOME, AMAZING, FANTASTIC!!! And yes, that was in all caps with three, count them, THREE exclamation points!

Sigh, so I’m busy and will hopefully be back up to my usual one post a day not really worth mentioning rants this week. So much to say, so little time to type it up in. Oh, and did I mention how much I love my new job? Just checking.

Advice

2006-11-28T11:14:00.000-05:00

Either don't ever quit your job or quit every year or so; before you accumulate a ton of shit. The last two weeks of work suck. SUCKS. I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night, my stomach is killing me and I'm so stressed I could cry. But I won't. Because I don't know where the Kleenex is. I know it will all be over in 4 days but it feels like 4 weeks. Posting will be light this week and then I head to San Francisco on Sunday and have no idea if I'll get to post next week. Sorry. Anyone want to meet me for martinis? Now?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

I've been up to my eyeballs in pastry dough, apples and Verizon repair guys. If my DSL goes down one more time due to bad lines, faulty modems or bad routers I'm going to scream and then I'm going to do something really drastic, like... like... well, I don't know what but it ain't going to be pretty.

Hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving and eat until you feel like you're going to explode. That's what I'll be doing and if I'm lucky I'll get a nap in there too. Oh, and please have a slice of pie (or three) for me. Thanks.

I never said I was smart

2006-11-21T16:38:00.000-05:00

Last night Train Guy and I hoofed it out to the Scariest Place on Earth, or as others like to call it, The Kind of Prussia Mall. It’s HUGE and consists of eight billion stores including Neimans and Nordstrom’s, Macy’s, Bloomingdales, you name it, it is THERE. I hate it. It’s too big. I get anxiety at the prospect of going. But it does have stores we don’t have elsewhere in Philly. Like Sephora.

Last night I asked Train Guy to go with me because I hate driving there and because he is nice like that. He actually drove me all the way out there just so I could buy something for my sister at Sephora and avoid paying the shipping costs of buying on line. We got there, got what we needed (and then some) and then TG says he’s hungry can we please go to the world’s worst restaurant, The Cheesecake Factory? Now, I don’t think it’s the worst because the food is so bad or because it’s a chain. I think the food is OK, I just think it’s awful to go in when I can’t eat the fucking cheesecake!! What’s the point of going there if you can’t spend $25 on a slice of cheesecake so good you’d actually contemplate giving up sex for it?

So, our little trip to the mall for an $18 item to save $6 in shipping wound up costing me over a $150 for dinner and some other things I just happened to see at Sephora that I didn’t already have. Note to self: next time just pay the damned shipping. It’s actually cheaper that way.

School girl crushes gone wild

2006-11-20T14:13:00.000-05:00

Actual text message “conversation” between me and my friend “S,” the head Doctor, last night:

S: I’m in CA & I just heard I might b able 2 meet logan – i’m so excited!!!
E: WOW! Of course it would be more exciting if I knew who logan is?!
S: logan from Gilmore Girls!!!
E: NO Fing WAY!!! AHHHHH! I LOVE HIM! Molest him for me or at the very least get me an autograph made out to me WITH LOVE from Logan…sigh…
S: it’s still not 100%, but i’m hoping!
E: I’m hoping too!! Whatcha gonna wear??? You have to start planning! Take off your wedding ring… You know, just in case…I’m sure P will understand.
S: he is right here, and somehow he doesn’t understand! oh well
E: You’re obviously not trying hard enough.
S: well, logan’s not here yet, so I wasn’t trying hard yet
E: Go all out and just whip your shirt off! What have you got to lose?? And where ARE you???

And then nothing… bitch.

Her brother is a movie producer and she, her husband, and parents went out to LA for Thanksgiving. I have no idea where they were at 4:30 Pacific time to have the opportunity to meet THE Logan Huntsberger (I have no idea what the actor’s name is but who cares! We just love the character he plays). We both absolutely love the Gilmore Girls and although we watch who we actually admit that fact to we both harbor deep, dirty thoughts for Logan.

Now doesn’t this make you feel like giving $150 an hour to S to listen to you and help figure out your problems? Personally, it really would make me hire her. She’s honest, obviously knows what’s important and has excellent taste in men.

I'm so very tired

2006-11-16T12:59:00.000-05:00

I’m tired. Quitting is exhausting. I got a new job with a company that does work with my current company so as much as I wanted to only give 30 seconds notice (which is all that’s required of us if we leave to go to a competitor), I gave three weeks. I’m not getting ANY time off in between jobs either which SUCKS as I had plans for a nice week off in which I would get all my Christmas shopping done, bake cookies and get a massage. But no. My last day here is Friday, December 1st and I fly out to San Francisco where the new job is on Sunday the 3rd at 2 in the afternoon. I don’t even get a full weekend off!

So now I’m trying to get all my Christmas shopping done and work on all my transition crap in the next couple of weeks and, oh yeah, Thanksgiving happens to be next week just to add to the confusion and my waist line. Sigh…The stress has been unreal. I went thru the typical, “Oh crap, what have I done?” level of fear to being excited to then having sheer panic set in as I realize that I’ve had this job for over 6 years and I can do it with my eyes shut, Hell, sometimes I do, and now I’m going to have to dust off my brain. I also now have to write up status reports, in incredible detail and just when I think I’m finished with one I’ll get an e-mail about the project and realize I left out a HUGE portion. Fuck. I woke up yesterday morning with a tension headache so bad that 10 Advil couldn’t take care of it and a neck so stiff I thought that a neck brace might be a good idea. And I’m downing Tums at the same speed my friend J.M. used to down Smarties at Halloween (HI, J.M.! I got your e-mail and I’m so sorry for not replying yet!).

BUT, I’m really excited about the new job and working from home contrary to my last post. I’m not going to lie as I am really worried I’m going to eat everything in my fridge everyday so I’ll have to clean it out before I start, but I can’t wait to start. Everyone there is so cool. I mean what’s not to love about an internet company that has a Foosball table at the center of it and that closes down to go to the movies in the middle of the day? I’m just sorry I couldn’t move out there to partake in the daily festivities. Maybe I could put a foosball table in my living room and teach Lucy the Lab to play. I’d teach George but he’s just a Jack Russell and wouldn’t be able to reach. Duh.

Oh, and to my oldest and dearest friend, K, Happy REALLY Belated Anniversary. I thought about you last Tuesday but didn’t call because I suck. I’ll call this Sunday. Promise.

Resigned

2006-11-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

I quit my job yesterday. Sent in my letter of resignation. Said, I’m outta here, buh-bye. My last day is December 1st. I have been dreaming of this day for a long time and now it’s here I’m a bit scared. Holy crap I’ve had this job for over 6 years and I can do it with my eyes closed. Why would I give that up for a new job with a new company when I won’t quite know what I’m doing?! Because I want a challenge. Because I’m bored. Oh hell, because I want the signing bonus.

We’re off to DC now for a long weekend. I’m going to drink martinis until my nerves settle. I’m glad to be away from the phone and e-mail so I don’t have to hear this anymore, “Oh my GOD, you quit? Why?”

Because now I get to work from home, wear sweat pants and be with the dogs 24/7. Of course what do I feel the drawbacks are? I’ll be working from home, wearing sweats all day and never be away from the dogs…. Did I think this through?

More on the new job and all the sordid details of getting hired next week when I come back....

Is it Christmas already?!

2006-11-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

We're one away from taking the Senate. We have control of the House and Rumsfeld just stepped down (i.e.: he got his ass fired)! Yes, Virginia, there really IS a Santa Claus.

Except Britney and KFed are getting divorced. I am shocked. Just SHOCKED. It's devastating. How can you believe in marriage now? I mean if THEY can't work it out there is no hope for the rest of us. They were just so perfect. So RIGHT. You know? Sigh....

Thank you

2006-11-08T12:36:00.000-05:00

To all the people of Pennsylvania who did NOT vote for Rick Santorum yesterday:

Thank you from the bottom of my reproductive system.

Best,
E

Bathroom Etiquette #8

2006-11-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

This morning the bathroom was rather full and so I had to go into a stall next to someone else. Two seconds after I shut the door a cell phone rings in the stall next to mine. The woman answers:

“NO, it’s OK, I’m not busy. Yeah, no, I’m at my desk.”

So I pee as fast as my little bladder will let me and flush. TWICE. Then another woman flushed and another. I’d say 4 toilets flushed within 5 seconds. The cell phone woman stopped talking and you could hear the phone flip shut.

Nice to see that my passive aggressiveness is catching. And, yeah, and we all were smiling as we were washing our hands and no, she didn’t come out while we were there. At your desk my ass…

***And please go and VOTE today if you haven't already! ***

A very long winded story about the Philadelphia Parking Authority

2006-11-06T16:02:00.000-05:00

So let me tell you a little (OK, fine, it’s long) story about me and the Philadelphia Parking Authority the BASTARDS!!!

So back in 2001, yes, that is 2001, five LONG years ago, I got a lovely letter in the mail from the parking authority saying I'd gotten a parking ticket and hadn't paid it. Being the freak that I am I felt AWFUL and was sure that the ticket must have blown off the windshield and where could I expedite the check to. Then I slapped myself a few times and remembered a few things. One, I had an unbelievably expensive parking space in the basement of my building, then I drove my car WAY out in to the suburbs everyday to work for a financial services company that was paying my paycheck at the time and three, I never ever parked the damn thing on the street. Hmmm.. so I looked more closely at the ticket. It has my license plate number but no make/model of the car. Hmmm.... and where the hell is the street corner that they were charging me $63 for parking to close to the corner? Seems that corner was in a SERIOUSLY scary neighborhood in Southwest Philly. I can guarantee my car was never there at 1:00 in the afternoon. So, I do what any respectable MORON does. I call and ask what the make and model of the car ticket was because it wasn't listed on the ticket. No one could tell me. So I check the box to request a hearing and enclose a lovely letter. I hear nothing and get another ticket this time with late charges, so I check the "request a hearing box" enclose another letter and call again. Nothing.

Then I moved to Cincinnati, got a new car with a new license plate and think it's over. Nope, in 2004, I get another ticket in the mail! UGH! So I check the box, whip off a letter explaining I live in Cincy now but they are free to call me. I never hear from them again so I think it's over.

I got home from work on Friday and there is a letter from the Philadelphia. Park Dept. waiting for me. First thing that goes thru my head is, where the hell did Train Guy take my car, get a ticket and not tell me AND not pay it, jerk. Uh, nope, they found me again. And what's funny is that it's for the original $63 amount, STILL no mention of the make/model of the car but now there is a number to schedule a hearing and you can be DAMN sure that the minute I finish this post I'm calling to arrange a hearing. And oh yeah, I still have the letter I sent in 2004, the letters I sent in 2001, the cleared checks from the parking garage, my work calendar that actually DOES show I had a meeting out in the burbs that day and a picture of my car and copy of the registration that proves my car was a 2000 silver Jetta.

Of course just my luck, I'll get to the hearing and they'll say, coincidentally, it was a 2000 silver Jetta because life has been kicking me down like that lately. Sigh...

Coincidence? I think so

2006-11-03T09:27:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in Tuesday’s post, Train Guy and I met one year ago today. I’m not one to believe that it was “fate” or that we are destined to be together but I do love the coincidences and the random way in which we met. Yes, I made reservations for us at our favorite restaurant (which he doesn’t know about) but we didn’t take the train in to work today to relive it.

Last night Train Guy sends me an e-mail that says:

"So I'm clearing out my phone's camera gallery because I tried to take a picture today and the memory was full. I'm looking through some of the old pictures and happen to stumble upon this picture that I took of the train strike, dated November 3rd 2005 at 5:38pm. Look who's in the foreground. Weird coincidence. I wonder if this is before or after I talked to you...I think before."

I must admit that I love the fact that we actually have photo documentation of pretty much the minute we met. It makes me smile. I may even love this photo more than when he placed a small box in my lap on the car ride in this morning. It’s the most beautiful pearl necklace from this amazing jeweler in Center City; very different with black, white and pink pearls. He knows me so well. Apparently he bought it a month ago to be my Christmas present but I told him the other week I wanted new dish towels for x-mas so he figured he’d give me the necklace today.

Is it sad that I’m really excited about the new dish towels too?

So you know when....

2006-11-02T15:21:00.000-05:00

So you know when you’re really tired and work is driving you crazy and you feel like you have no time to breathe let alone relax (or BLOG for that matter) and you’re dealing with this other thing that’s driving you absolutely batty because you’re totally preoccupied with it and why the hell can’t the rest of the planet just realize that you have something else to worry about right now, thank you very much, so just back the fuck off and one thing you are NOT is patient so when it comes to this situation where your emotions are running to opposite extremes every five seconds you wish this preoccupying situation would just fucking resolve itself already for Christ’s sake? Yeah, me too.

Common thievery

2006-11-01T15:14:00.000-05:00

Someone stole two pumpkins off my front stoop last night. I don’t know why either. For one thing, in the past when “friends” stole pumpkins “they” never took them far instead opting to smash them either on the sidewalk or in the middle of the street. No pumpkins were smashed anywhere in my neighborhood because I didn’t see any when I walked the dogs this morning. Then there is the other issue that my pumpkins were rotting. It’s been going from 34 degrees to 70 degrees here lately and the backs of the pumpkins were looking gross. Who the hell goes to all the effort to carry away TWO rotting pumpkins?

I guess I don’t care too much as they saved me the hassle of throwing them out. So to whoever stole my pumpkins, thank you. I appreciate it! Same time next year?

Sliding doors

2006-10-31T14:42:00.000-05:00

It’s interesting watching all the people at my company freak out that they may lose their jobs. I swear I can hear the resumes being typed up all the way from Ohio. I’m pretty lackadaisical about the whole thing. I went thru this 5 years ago and that’s how I ended up in Cincinnati for two years, eight months and some change. It actually was a good thing I think. I moved, got myself out of debt and realized things about myself I’m not so sure I would have learned as quickly as I did if I hadn’t gone. I also got two awesome dogs and then had the sheer joy of moving BACK to Philly. Wow, there is no better high, really.

I’m a big fan of the movie Sliding Doors. Rent it if you haven’t seen it, really. Or e-mail me and I’ll mail you my copy to borrow. In it, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character’s life is shown in two parallel stories all starting from if she catches the London tube or if she doors slide shut and she misses that one train. I love thinking about things like that. I would never have met train guy one year ago this Friday if he hadn’t, for once, tried to catch the 5:06 train home. We also would never have started talking if the train lines hadn’t gone down and we would never have met if I hadn’t stopped to go to the bathroom at work before racing to catch the train.

Of course we all know every minute of every day is a sliding doors moment. Would I have met Train Guy if I hadn’t moved to Cincinnati, gotten two dogs, hated the city, moved back to Philly and bought a house because the dogs needed a yard and so therefore needed to take the train to work? How about if my company kept me working in our New Jersey office and not given me the opportunity to work in the Philly office?

I love thinking about the chain of events that go into motion with every single phone call we make, street that we cross and random trip to the bathroom we run to. Needless to say, my company’s sale could seriously alter lots of peoples’ lives. I just wish that all those people who are worried (understandably so if you’re supporting a family, have a mortgage, are breathing, etc.) would think about all the positive things that could come about and use that positive energy to make things happen. Instead I see people miserable and scared and panicking and all I can help but think is that it just can’t be a good thing. Be positive, you probably won’t lose your job and you were hired by an excellent company because you are good. There will be a lot of other companies that will feel the same way.

And really, you never know who you'll meet or the new opportunities that await you. It could be great. I mean look at me, in that post I wrote I couldn't think of Train Guy "like that" and we all know I've been thinking about him "like that" for a good ten months now. Oh who the hell am I kidding, I was thinking about him "like that" the minute he got in line behind me.

Again with the apologies

2006-10-30T16:28:00.000-05:00

So it's been a little crazy in my life as of late. I have about a zillion posts organized neatly in my head but haven't had five minutes to sit down and type them out. I've planned on it but then something would happen like my sister coming to town with her daughter, or being distracted by needing to order a new DirecTV receiver for my bedroom or my company being put up for sale. Oh yeah, little stuff like that. So, needless to say, it's been hectic and stressful.

But, on a more positive note, anyone want to buy my company? Only $5 billion (yes, that's with a "B") and, yes, we do turn a profit. Anyone? Anyone? There are even some halfway decent employees that would come with the deal. Actually, roughly 2,000 of them. Any takers? No? Yes? Well, if you are interested just shoot me an e-mail. Thanks.

Things to hate, things to love

2006-10-20T11:48:00.000-05:00

Things I hate:

That California is 3 hours behind. I need to contact someone there and I’m sick of watching the clock.

That Jim moved to Stamford and isn’t in Scranton and available to ask Pam out now (if you don’t watch The Office, which you should, you won’t understand).

That the “new” laptop they sent me is actually an old laptop of an employee who recently quit and it’s slower than my OLD laptop, I can’t get the settings right, even with the help of my HELP desk and that the company I steal office space doesn’t have the new laptop’s IP address on file so I CAN NOT GET ON THE INTERNET (I’m now STILL working from the old one).

That I saw a commercial for Sarah McLachlan’s CHRISTMAS CD yesterday. For the love of God people, it isn’t even Halloween yet! BACK OFF with the x-mas shit!

That my new pill is great in all aspects except it makes me retain more water than the Titanic did when it was going down. Is this punishment for wanting to have premarital sex WITHOUT wanting to get pregnant?!? IS IT??? Thank God for prescription diuretics.

Things that make me happy:

My sister is coming in to town tomorrow for 5 days with her daughter.

My sister and niece are staying with my parents and therefore my Mother has been cooking for over a week.

I will not have to go grocery shopping until Thursday.

I am leaving work early today BECAUSE. I. CAN.

Apologies and shootouts

2006-10-18T10:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not blogging. Work is still crappy, my interim laptop (the one that’s not drowned) is as slow as molasses which is compounding my freaking out and the belief that I will never get all the stuff on my To Do list done and that subsequently the earth will fly off its axis. Oh yeah, and if you know what I did for a living you’d be laughing your ass off at that one.

But, overheard on the news this morning was a woman who had witnessed a bank robbery shootout with police yesterday in a Philly neighborhood: “It was the worst gun battle I’ve ever seen!” Really? In your lifetime or just recently? And how many would that actually be that you’ve seen? You looked pretty nicely dressed and you didn’t look the type to hang out in one of the drug-infested, crime-ridden neighborhoods Philly does have and where, according to the news, those things do, sadly, happen with some frequency. Were you in the military and did you see action? You don’t look the type as you looked pretty shaken up by the whole thing when you were interviewed. But who am I to judge.

How to top off an already crappy past couple of weeks at work

2006-10-10T12:56:00.000-05:00

Spill a full glass of water directly on the keyboard of your laptop two nights before you are to leave on a business trip* in which the materials needed for said trip are all saved on the hard drive of your now drowning computer. Yeah, good times!!

Yup, I did that last night. I was pretty proud of myself too; I didn’t shed one tear. Now that could have been for two reasons: one, I knew that the salt form the tears would just corrode the computer more or two, I was in shock. I’m putting my money on number 2.

Once it happened I flipped it upside down to POUR the water out then I tried mopping up what I could with a dish towel. Then, on Train Guy’s suggestion, I used my hair dryer on it for a good 25 minutes and left it propped on its side overnight with a fan blowing on it.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I did, however, successfully drown the computer. It seems the hard drive wasn’t destroyed though and my IT department did download the majority of my files for me but now I’m back on my antique lap top thinking of all the files I had stored and if there are any there I don’t want my IT department sniffing around in. Oh well, too late now.

*I’m off to Salt Lake City thru Saturday. I’ll post when I return….

So you know when...

2006-10-09T13:47:00.000-05:00

So you know when you look at your watch and it says 3:15 and you get all excited but then you look down again and it seems you misread your watch because it’s only 2:15 and the day is dragging by and the fact that it is a holiday for most other people and the sister company that you steal office space is closed but you never thought to ask last week so when you showed up this morning and it was all dark and eerie and you had to scan your key card thingy eighty times just to get to your desk and you even had to scan it to go to the bathroom because apparently you work in Fort Knox but had you even thought for one minute about that fact maybe you would have just worked from home because in addition to YOUR company actually being open sleeping in would have been heavenly because you went and heard David Sedaris the night before and it was AWESOME but you got home late but the alarm didn’t care and woke you up at 5:30 anyway and when you think of that missed opportunity to actually sleep in until 6:30 or, gasp, 7 you get even more pissed? Yeah, me too.

60 hours and counting

2006-10-06T06:23:00.000-05:00

Until Train Guy and I see David Sedaris live at the Kimmel Center on Sunday night. I can’t wait!

Sometimes it’s nice to be the low man on the totem pole

2006-10-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

All hell broke loose over a project I work on. Nothing I did (thank God) but in general. I’ve done everything I’m capable of doing, and have been complimented for doing it, but not being the boss means I don’t have to deal with the rest of the shit my poor boss is dealing with now.

Yesterday he told me someone in our “group” is leaving and did I have any ideas for replacements or how we’d juggle the work load when they left. I said, “Hey, I’ll take the promotion.”

Then all hell broke loose on the project.

I just called him up and said, “Hey, so you just got that latest e-mail with the latest shit that’s going down, right?” Yes, he replies. “And remember how we were talking yesterday and I said that I’d like to throw my name in as a replacement for ____?” Yes, he says “Well, after getting that e-mail there is no way in hell I would ever want to deal with that so let’s just pretend I didn’t say it, OK?” Laughter ensues on the other end.. “Hello? No, I’m really serious; no way in hell would I want to deal with this kind of crap all day.”
More laughing and then, “Yeah, OK, we’ll talk later…” as he’s hanging up I scream, “…no really! I don’t wanna! You can’t make me…. (click).”

You mean you really don't eat for a WHOLE day?!

2006-10-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

It’s been a bit busy as of late. Work is crazy as the entire company is scrambling to make our sales goal to ensure a nice bonus this winter and Train Guy and I have been busy seeing friends we haven’t seen in ages because schedules are always so full over the summer. Then Train Guy is Jewish so we had plans with his family for Rosh Hashanah and then last night’s Yom Kippur.

I must admit that it’s a new experience for me to walk in to home with 15 Jews in suits and nice dresses all racing in from sitting in synagogue for hours and scrambling to get a meal on the table because they haven’t eaten in 24 hours. I have dated other men who are Jewish and I have good friends who are Jewish but I’ve never spent the holidays with them. I must say that the Jews know how to sacrifice; they don’t eat. What do Christians do on holy holidays? Stuff ourselves with chocolate. There is no way we’d settle for just staring at Easter baskets or looking at our Christmas stockings for a whole 24 hours and not being able to touch any of it. No way. Do we really think that not eating meat on Fridays is a sacrifice? Puh-leeeeze….try not eating a thing and only drinking minimal amounts of water for 24 hours. Now THAT’S a sacrifice.. and one you won’t see me making any time soon.

Breaking the fast with his family reminded me of going to my friend’s house growing up who was one of 6 kids. If you didn’t reach in and grab what you could the minute the food hit the table you didn’t get any. Of course last night’s dinner was quiet with no siblings fighting and there was plenty of food and everyone was all dressed up and the wine was flowing and everything was so damned good I wound up eating like I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours when in all actuality I ate two hours earlier. Yeah, I didn’t make a good Christian and there’s no way I’d ever make a good Jew.

Good, better, best

2006-09-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

Best show on TV now, hands down: Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip.

Smoke free in Philly

2006-09-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

Philadelphia signed a no smoking ban in all restaurants, bars and public places into law last week. I am THRILLED. Go ahead, inhale smoke, kill yourself if you want but I really do hate breathing it in while I eat, smelling it on my clothes until I wash them again and having the stench permeate my hair so when I wake up hung over there is that disgusting stale smoke aroma in each and every strand of hair enveloping my face. Yeah, I’m pleased I won't have to deal with that again.

It was supposed to go into effect January 1st so bar and restaurant owners could “prepare” for it. Then over the weekend the mayor stated that the ban would go into effect immediately, because what was the point of waiting? As of this past Sunday (or Monday, I couldn’t follow it) there is no more smoking in bars, restaurants and other public places and health officials are going to start enforcing it. That’s when all hell broke loose. Apparently the owners of the bars and restaurants were up in arms that they haven’t had any time to prepare.

What the hell is there to prepare for? You don’t put out ash trays and then you tape a nice big sign to the door and any free wall space that reads, quite simply I might add, “NO SMOKING.” Hell, throw in an “ANYMORE” if you want but the premise is the same. The signs don’t even need to be fancy. If you don’t have a printer at your establishment take a nice piece of paper, hell go nuts and make it legal sized paper, and then take a nice big marker found in any store and write, “NO SMOKING” on it. Then buy some tape and stick it up. Now if you want to go crazy and spend lots of cash you can actually purchase “No Smoking” signs from hardware stores or, you can make it personal and take it to Kinko’s and have it laminated!

What exactly do you people need three months to prepare for? And if someone can’t read you can instruct your wait staff to go over and tell them, “I’m sorry, the Mayor signed a bill that states you can no longer smoke here.” How hard is that? Hell, everyone knows about the ban anyway. So you have the occasional tourist or business person in town on business who tries to light up, who cares? Walk over and tell them to put it out. New York City managed to do this, so did San Francisco. What is Philly’s problem?

Battery powered or not, that is the question

2006-09-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

There are certain things in this world that should be battery powered and there are others that should not. Items that reside in my top dresser drawer and require 2 AAs: good. Automatic soap dispensers in bathrooms: not so good.

Why are they automatic? Are we that lazy? Do they think I’m not smart enough to judge exactly how much hand soap I need? Is it a hygiene thing? They don’t want me to actually have to touch the dispenser? Um, but isn’t it dispensing an anti-bacterial agent that will kill whatever cooties happen to live, breed and then die on the handle? I understand them in a public restroom , I still question them but in the office bathrooms? Puh-lease. I’m sure it’s just one of the latest cost saving measures adopted by The Company: only one blob of soap per set of hands. Well, screw them. I waved my hand under it four times. HAH! Damn, I think that was my bonus I just rinsed off down the drain…

aka Neighbor Girl

2006-09-21T11:01:00.000-05:00

My neighbor just called to say her 20 month old son just sat out on their deck and looked over to my yard calling, “Enn Gee!” and then “where are you”? It’s nice to be wanted, no?

My neighbors on one side have always called me “Neighbor Girl.” This is for two reasons. One, I’m the girl who lives next door (I wonder if they’ll still call me that when I’m 60 since I’m never moving out of my house) and the other reason is that “Neighbor Guy’s” first wife has the same name as me. Apparently he and the new wife thought Neighbor Girl was less confusing. Over the last two years it’s been shortened to “NG” and I hear this a lot from their yard: “Hey, NG, do you have any milk?” “Hey, NG, got any gas for the mower?” “Hey, NG, I noticed you got home pretty late last night!” Did I not mention how incredibly NOSY my wonderful neighbors are? Nothing slips by any of them.

I also hear a lot of “Up, UP!” from their son, “Neighbor Boy.” Apparently Neighbor Boy thinks the grass IS greener in my yard and he likes to toddle over to the fence, hold his hands above his head and scream, “UP, UP!” That is then my cue to walk over, pick him up and over my fence to play with my two dogs because his own THREE including the 8 week old chocolate Lab puppy aren’t enough.

I might have mentioned it before but kids scare the living crap out of me. I don’t want any of my own and try to avoid them at all costs. And for some reason they love me. (Same thing with cats except with cats I just plain don’t like them.) Neighbor Boy greets me almost everyday when I come home with an “Up” so I have to lift him up and over into my yard to help me water, check on the tomatoes or pick up my mail. Now that he’s talking his parents have encouraged him to call me “NG” which is much easier than my real name which can be a mouthful when you’re not even 2. I’ve tried having him call me “E” but to no avail. Now he’s calling out “NG.” And, I must admit, it’s cute.

It almost makes me like kids. ALMOST.

Several things worth mentioning... or not...

2006-09-19T11:59:00.000-05:00

Work is busy.

My neighbors just got the cutest 8 week old chocolate Lab puppy and I want to steal him. I think they’d notice though when they saw him over the fence.

I passed a woman in the hall who was wearing the same perfume as an old babysitter of mine that I haven’t seen (or smelled) since I was about 6. Isn’t it strange how scents can bring back memories like that? Songs do the same thing for me.

I went to lunch with one of our regional managers yesterday and had a salad that had spinach in it. I now think I have E. Coli even though I’m not exhibiting any symptoms.

Train Guy and I were craving BW3s so badly (we both frequented them while living in Ohio; me for work, him for college – another random overlap thing between us) that we looked up where the closest one was, Bear Delaware, and drove there (over an hour) for dinner over the weekend. We BINGED. 50 wings between the two of us, potato wedges, black and bleu burger and ribs. We ate it all under 30 minutes and I had to drive home because TG thought his stomach was going to explode. I, of course, felt fine even though I exceeded the average yearly consumption of fat of the entire state of Pennsylvania in that half hour.

The Neighborhood is now watching The Wire on Sundays at 7 PM (DVDs to catch up) instead of The Sopranos. I really like it but it took awhile to be able to understand the “accents.” We also got stromboli again and I pigged out. That was two huge, disgustingly fattening meals in one weekend and I think I gained 10 pounds. E. Coli might not be such a bad thing to catch. Or do you just “get” E. Coli?

So you know when...

2006-09-15T11:08:00.000-05:00

So you know when you are so busy at work that as the clock flips 12:15 you realize you have not moved from your chair since you first sat down in it at 9 and you really have to pee and then once you come back 10 minutes later from peeing for a solid 8 minutes and getting a glass of water you throw yourself back into the fray until you look at the clock again and realize it’s now 3:45 and you never ate lunch and you’re not all that hungry because you’ve been so preoccupied with putting out fires and dealing with stupid people and, oh yeah, you have to pee again but you realize that you really need to catch that 5:06 train so you stay working until 4:50 when you get up, run to the bathroom and then run out the door and then you get on the train and realize you’re so hungry you could eat your right arm only to discover that you left your uneaten lunch at your desk? Yeah, me too.

As Seen While Walking to Work

2006-09-14T09:56:00.000-05:00

A man, mid-thirties, gorgeous navy suit, crisp shirt, nice tie carrying an expensive looking briefcase gets out of a Mercedes on Market Street. It’s raining so he reaches into the back seat for his umbrella, pulls it out, opens it and dashes across the street into the business school at Drexel. The umbrella was a pink, child-sized Princess Barbie umbrella.

And no, I don’t have a camera phone but I SO wish I did…

Nantucket

2006-09-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

The four days in Nantucket were, quite simply, amazing. We had a blast. We went kayaking and walking and shopping and eating and drinking – oh the eating and drinking that was done over those four days – and we even did some relaxing, but not much. The rehearsal dinner with drinks on the beach beforehand was amazing and the wedding itself was quite literally unbelievable. The weather was spectacular and a better time couldn’t have been had.

I had so much fun talking to people and laughing and when we got back to the room each night I would say, “You have the greatest family and all their friends are so wonderful. You’re so lucky.” What I realized was that when two of the nicest people get married their friends and families will undoubtedly be nice too and so walking in as a sort of stranger is not a big deal at all. I made great new friends with e-mails and numbers exchanged along with promises to visit.

I came back absolutely exhausted. We never stopped moving for the entire four days and add to that the fact that most activities revolved around a meal and that meal was accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol and dancing, I was plum tuckered out. I woke up on Monday not being able to talk because I don’t think I actually shut up those whole four days either.

I could go on and on but I’ll spare you. I will say that I have never seen so many cameras and that there actually were a few good ones taken of me and Train Guy. I’m not exactly photogenic. I lean more towards the side of Chandler, from the episode of Friends when he and Monica were trying to get an engagement picture. The expressions go from extreme pain to fear to enlightenment to looking like someone is grabbing my ass. For some reason “normal facial expression” or “smile nicely” are not in my vocabulary. When people would take shots of me Train Guy was right there leaning over their shoulder looking at the little screen exclaiming with a pained, pinched up facial expression, “Yeah, just delete it now…” and so goes my modeling career…

Anyhow, here I am with Train Guy at the reception on Saturday:

And for those who actually want to see me and not Cousin It here we are at the rehearsal dinner’s “drinks on the beach”: And, yes, he really did wear pink pants to the wedding. And he looked fabulous.

September 11, 2001

2006-09-11T13:31:00.000-05:00

Five years ago at about 8:30 in the morning I boarded a flight to Cincinnati. My company had been bought and I was going to check out Cincinnati to see if I wanted to move there and keep my current job. At about 9:15 the plane had suddenly landed. We were on a commuter flight and all the passengers were looking at each other saying, “Did we miss the announcement saying we were landing early, or at all? We still have another 20 minutes to go.” The pilots never came out of the cockpit to send us on our way and the flight attendant got off first looking somber. As we walked down the steps to the runway we were greeted by a USAirways representative and police in SWAT gear and machine guns. She said, “The airport is closed and is locked down. Two planes have flown into the World Trade Center towers. If you checked bags, you will not be getting them. Please leave the airport immediately.

My first thought was, “How the hell did a tiny prop/commuter plane hit the towers? And two of them? Those are some big buildings. Those must be some dumb pilots.” Then I took out my cell phone as people around me started using the word “hijacked.” I walked down the terminal towards the rental car van pick-up place and dialed my sister:
“J, what is going on?!”
“Where are you?!?! Are you OK? Two big planes just flew in to each of the world trade center towers! I’m watching it replay on CNN over and over again it’s awful! All those people just died! Do NOT hang up the phone because it’s hard to get a cell line.”
“Whoa, calm down. What are you talking about? What has happened?”

And then she told me. At least all she could at 9:20 in the morning. I got to the car rental place and people who did get calls thru were telling everyone else what happened and that they weren’t going anywhere. The lines at the rental car place were getting longer by the minute but I had a reserved car and was given it immediately. Several people asked if I was driving anywhere and could they get rides? Michigan? Chicago? California even? Would I give up my rental for $100? I was still so flustered all I wanted to do was check in to the hotel and sit in front of a TV.

The next few hours were a whirlwind. I was trying to get a hold of friends in New York as I had no idea what happened when the towers fell and who was affected. My boss and co-workers had been terrified as they knew I was flying to Ohio and in those early hours there was a “missing plane” flying over Ohio which we then would know as flight 93 that crashed in Shanksville, PA. I did get to the office to be enveloped by the Vice President of my company at the time who told me to gather myself, use his office and do what I needed to do in the way of calling anyone and everyone.

My parents were living in England at the time, also knew I was flying and, of course, couldn’t get a hold of me or my sister. We found e-mail worked best but over the next couple of days I managed to rack up a $300 phone bill at the hotel. My parents had friends and neighbors calling them and asking if they had turned on their TV (it was 2 in the afternoon their time) to see what had happened. Their postman knocked on their door and asked if my sister was OK as he knew she worked in New York City and to offer his condolences to them as Americans.

All I wanted to do was be at home in Philly to be comforted by my friends. I, however, was stuck in a city where I didn’t really know anyone to sit alone and watch ongoing coverage of it all.

I finally made it back to Philly on the Friday. I was on the only woman on my flight and there were only two other business men on it with me. The flight attendant walked down the aisle and asked us to please buckle up and as he did he touched us each on the arm in the most reassuring way. We were all in this together and we would fly home and be OK. We were and we did.

I had several friends who lost several of their friends. One friend of mine’s brother was in one of the buildings next to the first tower and saw the first plane hit. He was on a conference call and was looking out his window. He immediately shouted, “Holy shit a plane just flew into one of the towers. I’m out of here.” My sister’s friend was also in an adjacent building and witnessed it all first hand. Another of her friends was in a conference room and watched the first plane fly “straight down the street” and couldn’t figure out what the hell a plane was doing so low and, essentially, in between the buildings. Seconds later the whole world knew why.

Later I found out that a former classmate of mine from high school died in the first tower. He was an absolute gentle giant. As a senior he helped coach our Junior Varsity girls team and was the first person I’d ever seen palm a basketball. He’d then take the same hand and put it over our heads and I swear his fingers went clear down to our necks. Kenny, you were such a sweet and gentle man and I am so sorry that you are gone. I’m so sorry for your family and for the community because you never stopped volunteering your time even after you moved to New York and started your professional career. You will be missed by all who knew you.

When I got back I decided to take the job in Cincinnati. Part of the decision was made out of fear. When I got back to work my old offices were across from the Federal building and I watched snipers walking on the roof top, I went thru several bomb scare evacuations and we were no longer allowed to open our office windows. I couldn’t get a job in Philly back in the financial services industry where I had worked prior to my current field as all my friends in that field were starting to get laid off. The Midwest didn’t seem too bad and it was guaranteed employment in my current job.

Yesterday, five years ago seemed like a lifetime ago. Today it feels like just yesterday.

No longer freaking out E style

2006-09-06T06:57:00.000-05:00

It’s finally here, Train Guy found us a room at a beautiful Inn in town and so we’re off to Nantucket. I have outfits to wear, those clothes sort of fit and I can’t wait for four days of not worrying about a thing except making a good impression on his family and trying not to look like a giant.

Did I mention that Train Guy’s family is on the shorter side and well, I’m not? I will be a full five feet eleven inches in my heels and will tower over poor TG too – he’s a whopping 5’9”; 5’ 10” if he poofs his hair up (or if you’re a Fletch fan, “with the afro.”).In fact, I was out with his Mom once and was wearing low heels and she said, “You’re a giant!” Thanks so much. I used to think I was average and I certainly don't have enough neuroses to deal with so thanks for adding my height to the ever growing list.

Anyhoo, I’ll be relaxing, biking, shopping, enjoying the beach, and relishing in the fact that I won’t have access to the Internet for 4 full days. If things go well and we actually get a half way decent photo of us I may have to come out of the blogging closet and show myself…. we’ll see….. but not if I look like a giant.

Unsolicited and unprofessional advice from E

2006-09-05T10:26:00.000-05:00

Have your best friend be a practicing clinical psychologist. Oh yeah, you get great advice from a friend who knows all those intimate details of your life and has actual first hand knowledge of some of your lowest lows! No need to spend two or three sessions and hundreds of dollars explaining just what an ass your ex(es) was(were), because she too spent countless hours with him! No need to spend painful hours describing how mean your parents really were when you were a teen (because they didn’t buy you that Benetton rugby you begged for even though it cost the same amount as the monthly food budget) because she’s met them! You can sit, lie down, stand, be on the phone, in her house, your house, correspond via e-mail, eating, starving, be drinking, drunk, and at any time of the day pretty much. She knows all, has experienced most of it with you and the best part is that the advice she gives is professional and licensed by the state of Pennsylvania!

And yes, I know JUST how lucky I am.

NOT an Oprah Book Club book any time soon

2006-09-01T10:41:00.000-05:00

I see a lot of different people on the train reading a lot of different things. There are people reading the Philadelphia Inquirer, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. Then there are the women reading romance novels, the guys reading romance novels and the students reading textbooks. There are doctors reading research papers and tourists reading maps but last night was the best. There was a man sitting next to me in shorts and a Philadelphia Liberty Bell t-shirt and baseball cap and he had a boy of about 5 with him in the exact same outfit. What’s the guy reading? A book titled, “Think Like a Pancreas.” It wasn’t even a med school book, it looked like it came straight from Barnes and Noble.

I just hope it was better than “Think Like a Small Intestine” because I had a hard time getting thru that one.

So you know when...?

2006-08-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so you know when you start taking a new Pill with a tad more estrogen in it and you know that estrogen can give you bigger boobs and since you weren’t born with big boobs in the first place and in fact they actually didn’t grow until you were 20 and your older more endowed sister promised that they really would grow one day and so you waited and waited and now you’re 32 and still waiting but nothing happens and so this hope of a new pill is really what you’re resting your current B- cup laurels on/in and pray that estrogen really is the miracle boob grower and that if this works you might just not have to order the “amazing all natural breast enhancer” that you’ve seen advertised in all the nice e-mails that fill up your in box?

Really? You too? How sad that there are two of us out there with lying older siblings.

Pissing me off a little more each day

2006-08-30T14:35:00.000-05:00

Hey Lady, yeah you, two doors down from me, see that big wood thing on hinges that you walk thru every morning to get to your desk? Yeah, it’s called a door. Please CLOSE it when you’re taking conference calls on speaker phone, talking to your husband, your children, your clients, or anyone for that matter. (OK, if you're on the phone with your crazy, jealous lover I might want to hear about it but there's no guarantee. I reserve the right to decide later.)

I really don’t give a rat’s ass about you or your life (unless you're having some torrid love affair because I need a little excitement in my life too) and your voice is like nails on a chalkboard. You also speak at ten decibels louder than everyone else. Yes, it’s true, your personal speaking volume actually goes to ELEVEN.

Oh, and if it wasn’t clear, shut the fuck up and shut your door.

Have a nice day!

Half full weekend

2006-08-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

So it was rainy and crappy here all weekend and I was ecstatic. We haven’t had rain in over three weeks and so this saved me hours of not watering, not fertilizing and not mowing the damned lawn.

What I did do was cook and sit on my ass watching movies and finally cleaning up the spare bedroom which has been a repository for all things that don’t fit in the rest of the house. On Saturday morning I called the Kimmel Center and ordered tickets for me and Train Guy to see David Sedaris in October and got awesome seats in the TENTH ROW. And then I cleaned the house. Not so happy doing it but thrilled with the result.

On Sunday afternoon while lying on the couch reading a book and half asleep I got a text message. It was Train Guy; “I love you.” Roll your eyes if you want but it makes my heart skip a beat and makes me grin. Then I think dirty thoughts…

Overall a good weekend. Of course now I’m back at work, I think I put on 5 pounds this weekend eating all my cooking, my dress for the wedding in Nantucket in two weeks is a wee bit tight, I now need to have another outfit for the morning after brunch, and to top it all off, I’m also starting to get a bit freaked out about how I will react being on a new pill with a bit more estrogen.

But I see this all as a lovely little experiment. Either I will get bigger boobs and be happy as a clam or I will turn into a raging lunatic, horrify poor Train Guy in front of his whole family, not fit into my outfits and look like a hooker in too-tight clothing.

But you know what? I’m going to be optimistic and just shoot for the bigger boobs. Best to start small.. I mean big.

TGIF

2006-08-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

So work’s been a bit hectic lately. New projects, new deadlines, new folks to work with. All of this is good as it keeps me from getting bored but let me sum it up for you. Me on the phone yesterday:

“Uh huh. Of course! No problem, I’d be happy to.” Hang up the phone and utter, “Am I the only one with something resembling a brain?”

“I think that’s a great idea, I’ll get started on it right away.” Hang up and say under my breathe, “Fucking moron.”

And while e-mailing a friend and co-worker she wrote, “You know, our jobs would be so much easier to do without ‘clients,’ co-workers and bosses.” My reply, “Sigh… yes.”

Thank God I only have a few hours left today… and then it will all resume on Monday.

Instant mood lifter

2006-08-23T13:53:00.000-05:00

I was having an OK day; nothing bad, nothing great. Then I get a call from the front desk. Seems that someone sent me flowers. The only other time that happened was when I had a raging sinus infection, felt like ASS, was working at The Firm and was putting in a 100 hour week and my Mom sent me flowers to make me feel better. It was sweet then and getting a call from security saying I had flowers made me just as happy today.

My first thought, as I was walking down to get them was, “how sweet that Train Guy sent me flowers for no reason.” But the card was from one of my clients*. He wanted to say thank you for doing him a favor the other day. Isn’t that just so damned nice you could cry?

Yep, now I’m having a GREAT day.

* I don’t have really have “clients” but if I write what they were you’d all know what I did for a living (I'm trying to keep the mystery alive here, People). OK, fine. If I said they were “johns” then my Mom would know I was a hooker. Kidding Mom!! I’m not really a hooker! I prefer the term “High Class Call Girl”…

And this time I could actually afford the rugby shirt

2006-08-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

I would just like it stated for the record that the new “fashion” of skinny jeans with the 1980s style tapered legs is not flattering on those who are of a certain body type. And by “certain” body type I mean mine. I may have been able to pull it off when I was in junior high but I can not do so now. Damn it. BUT, it sure did give me a laugh when I tried on a pair in the Gap around the corner from the office. I needed a good laugh too. Thanks, Editors at Vogue, for giving that to me today.

BUT, since the tapered legs are back in style when are the big huge baggy shirts with giant belts going to come back in? If I could wear a baggy top or sweatshirt, or hell a BENETTON RUGBY, with those pants or leggings I’d look pretty damned good! Hey, if you are going to bring back one style from the day, you really should bring back all of them. At least that’s what I think.

Better future, wine-swilling

2006-08-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

That's the SPAM mail subject line of the week and you know what I have to say to that? AMEN! I feel SO much better about the future when I'm swilling some wine!

Of course the e-mail was telling me that I "qualified for a much lower rate based on our records from a national database." Great, but on what?!? What do I qualify for a lower rate on? My credit cards? Mortgage? Maybe you should have had a little less wine before sending me that e-mail. You obviously left out some important information. I was all ready to buy into what you were selling and open up that attached file but now I'm going to have to pass.... and open up a bottle of wine and contemplate my better future without you.

My hate mail is NOTHING

2006-08-18T12:56:00.000-05:00

Looks like I'm not the only one to get nasty e-mails. Of course I shouldn't complain, to date I have only gotten three nasty e-mails and a handful of requests to quit "hiding" and post a picture of myself. Poor Dooce....

Some people really need a hobby

2006-08-17T15:00:00.000-05:00

To the mean, nasty woman from OKLAHOMA who sent me an e-mail asking if I ever learned grammar in school:

NO! OK, and on top of that, BITE ME. Who the hell sends someone an e-mail asking that?! Get a life! See, I have a full time job and this whole Blog “thing” that I do is … actually, I don’t really know what it is, but whatever it is it’s smooshed into my 5 free minutes between meetings and eating and surfing the Web and reading other people’s blogs so I really don’t have the time to reread my posts a million times and check them for grammar.

However, if you’d like to do it for me, but in a kinder, gentler way than your mean, nasty e-mail, I’d be happy to pay you a quarter. And by the way, bitch, my name ISN’T Emily. And next time, have the balls and the brains to post it as a comment and not send me an e-mail. Because I can post your e-mail address. And I will.

Have a nice day,
E (which does not stand for Emily even though I think it’s a lovely name and kind of wish it was my name)

Female trouble

2006-08-16T12:27:00.000-05:00

In case you didn’t know, I’m female. And being a woman I have hormones that tend to race and take over. Usually all is fine with the world, I take The Pill every morning, I happily stay child-free, I don’t have hormonal rage attacks and everyone is safe. Until recently. It hasn’t been pretty.

Usually I get one day a month when I turn into the Bitch From Hell but I know it’s one day, I can keep the beast inside and everyone keeps their limbs. But lately it’s been creeping into a couple of days and now three days where Mothers must keep their children indoors and men don’t look me in the eye for fear of my rage burning thru their retinas.

So off to the Dr. I go. Mainly because I’m a hypochondriac (I could have some Rage Disease) and also because I know it’s hormonal and that, in all likelihood, a new Pill will fix everything. So, back to the Gynecologist where I wait for (only!) an hour reading Parenting Magazine and learn how to breastfeed.

So I finally get in she says, “Oh yeah, it’s hormones. OK, so you’re in your mid-thirties….”

“Uh, NO. I’m in my EARLY thirties.”

“Yeah, right, whatever, keep dreaming. So you’re in your early-thirties. You’re half way to menopause and your hormone levels are shifting. It happens.” Lengthy conversation ensues (Of course what’s repeating over and over and over in my head is the phrase “halfway to menopause.” I have never felt so old before), I get a new pill, told to take a B complex vitamin and I’m on my way.

She mentioned that also a contributing factor to higher hormone levels could be that I’ve never been pregnant before. SO here I am again being penalized for not having reproduced by age 32.

You know it’s bad enough that I’m discriminated against by not being able to park in the good spots by the grocery store because I’m not a car with “small children” but now my hormones are holding it against me too? This sucks.

A boring random story but one that shows how awesome my Mom is

2006-08-15T12:44:00.000-05:00

I think that only the women will appreciate this post. However, if you’re male and don’t wear makeup (who am I to judge), try substituting the word “wrench” or “golf ball” in for the word “eyeshadow.” Maybe then you can relate. OR, just don’t bother reading this one….

Here is why I heart my Mom this week:

About 5 years ago while visiting my parents in England where they were living at the time I decided to hit my favorite store, Boots (the English version of CVS but a MILLION TIMES better and with a make-up/soap section ten times bigger). Boots is where, with angels singing in the background, I found the PERFECT eyeshadow combo. Oh yes, there it was, one of Boots’ own brands. I’ve been wearing it everyday since then. In all this time I’ve been on the quest to find the EXACT SAME shades and consistency as the Boots one. I’ve probably spent over $150 at Sephora looking but to no avail. But it never mattered because I still had a lot left.

Then the unthinkable happened (queue dramatic music). A couple of weeks ago in an exhausted scramble to get ready one morning I dropped the eyeshadow from the medicine cabinet onto the marble topped sink counter. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! But the Eyeshadow Gods were looking down on me and left me a little of each color. I carefully placed it on a DIFFERENT shelf and thought (hey we’re lucky I didn’t say it out loud), “I will now save this for special occasions only.” OR, “until a few days later when I will knock it off its new shelf, there’s nothing left and I actually shed a tear.” FUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

So, I did what any resourceful young woman would do. I turned to the internet for help. It seems that Boots sells their products ONLINE!!! They have a web page! Sheer joy! Then they took my heart out and threw it on the floor and squashed it like a bug when it said, “shipping to the UK only.” Again, FUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

BUT, it appears that SOME Target stores (aka my Favoritest Store in the Whole Wide World) apparently carries some of Boots’ make-up lines!!!! See? There really is an Eyeshadow God! But they’re only sold in some states… like Texas…. Hmmmmm… who did I know at that very moment who was in Texas visiting my favorite (only) sister and her daughter? My wonderful Mom. So I called her up.

Me: “Um, hey Mom I need a favor. (insert long story here)..”
Mom: “I'm in it. I’ll call you from the Target”
Me: doing happy dance and being so grateful of how seriously my Mom, who never wears make-up, is taking my request.

The Next Day:

Phone rings.
Mom from inside a Target deep in the heart of Texas: “So they have these trio eyeshadows but the names not the same but the shades are (include a ten minute description of the exact shade. Please keep in mind my Mother is a professional artist – painter – and that woman can seriously DESCRIBE color!).
Me: “OK, so one is kind of whitish, one is a redder brown and the other almost a silvery/bluey brown?
Mom: “Sighh…. Yes.” (please interpret as “I can’t believe this daughter who can not appreciate and verbally describe the intricacies, detail, descriptiveness and level of color is mine.”)
Me: “I think that’s it then!”

Fast forward to Sunday night when I pick them up from the airport. Mom hands me a small package which I eagerly open. Again, the angels start singing, and there it is, softly lit up from the car's light, the perfect eyeshadow combo.

This morning I made a call to my sister. “Yeah, next time you’re at Target I’m going to need you to pick me up EIGHT of those eyeshadows. That should last me the rest of my life including the sacrificing of two to the toilet and/or marble counter Gods.

Make that 201

2006-08-11T14:19:00.000-05:00

Amazing isn’t it? 200 posts about absolutely nothing at all. I have GOT to get a life….

And for my 200th post…..Bathroom Etiquette #7

2006-08-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

When I step back and hold the door open for you to exit the bathroom while I am trying to go in and you say, “Excuse me” NOT “thank you” do not give me an odd, puzzled look when I say VERY loudly, “Oh, you’re welcome.” And then when you turn around and say, “Excuse me?” and I turn back and reply, “For holding the door open for you? You’re welcome,” do not look at me like I’m speaking Greek. It’s English and it’s called MANNERS. Please go get some.

Heaven

2006-08-08T10:44:00.000-05:00

The Catskills were amazing and I was an idiot and didn’t bring my camera. It was 75 and sunny during the day, and 55 degrees at night. The house was amazing and we had a blast. During the days we hiked to some of the most beautiful spots I’d ever seen, did some swimming and hung out and chatted. At night all 11 of us would gather and hang out, talking, drinking, cooking and eating. 11 people, all different, all fun, all lovely.

I’m not sure if you read where I wrote it was SEVENTY FIVE DEGREES during the day and FIFTY FIVE DEGREES at night but suffice it to say we lit fires and I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt after 5:00 pm. Heaven, seriously.

For the entire three or so hour ride home Train Guy had to listen to me proclaim that I was going to buy a place in the Catskills… So, does anyone want to lend me some cash? I probably can’t pay you back but I’ll let you use the place every now and then.

On the warm side

2006-08-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

OK, it’s not warm, it’s fucking HOT outside. You know it’s hot when the news, at 5:30 in the MORNING, says the heat index is at 93 degrees. Of course my heat index, which is very accurate thank you very much, read it at more like a hundred and ninety three degrees. How do I know this? Because at 3:30 this afternoon when I walked down Market Street in a black sleeveless shirt and khaki capris in black flip flops that were sticking to the pavement because they were MELTING, my internal thermometer read about a BILLION degrees and so since it’s cooler in the morning I deduced that the weather guy was a moron and obviously left off the 1.

I really shouldn’t complain, I sleep in my air conditioned home and then get in my air conditioned car to get to the air conditioned train and then to my air conditioned office. But I do walk a half mile each way to the office and it’s in the sun and it’s really hot so I feel like I can complain a little bit.

We should have Heat Days. You should be able to call out “hot.” Sort of like how we have snow days and sick days. Of course if you’re adding Hot Days you should also add in “I Have Nothing to Wear” days and the occasional, “My Hair Looks Like Crap So Can We Please Reschedule the Videoconference” Days. Ahhh.. I think the heat is making me delusional. Ooooh, I wonder if I can at least get a parasol on eBay. That would really help keep the sun off on my walk to work.

Round Two

2006-08-02T09:12:00.000-05:00

Train Guy and I are headed to the Catskills on Friday to spend the weekend with some friends of his at their summer place. (Yes, I know I’m lucky that we have friends with nice vacation homes in various locales that we can use and not pay one red cent for.) He just forwarded me an e-mail from his friend saying, “And don’t forget to tell E to bring her swimming suit, obviously.”

Oh God, not this again. I’m sorry but it was not a good experience the first time when it was just the possibility of getting into a suit in front of some of my oldest friends and their KIDS but now it’s in front of a bunch of nice, firm 25 year olds… lovely… shoot me now.

I really am generally not an insecure person. I really am happy with most things including my flat ass and smaller boobs but parading around in, essentially, my underwear and bra is not very appealing. Call me crazy but stripping down into a swimming suit with girls, YES THEY ARE GIRLS, that are seven and eight years younger than me when I’ve had seven more years of gravity pulling various body parts South and to build up more cellulite gives me ulcers. But I will do it. Mainly because I don’t want them to know I’m insecure about it. At least let them learn from looking at me; START working out more NOW before it all heads south!! I’ll have to remember to tell them that and use my body to point out specific examples of why. I won’t tell them about the hairs that will grow out of their chins. I’ll let them find that out on their own.

Quotes

2006-08-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

Best friends:

“Hey, I know we haven’t spoken in ages. Nothing going on with me, I know you’re busy but I just wanted to tell you that I saw your ex-boyfriend “A” a few minutes ago and DEAR GOD he looks awful! I mean, like a dead, bloated hippo awful! Not fat, we’re talking bloated here!! OK, that was it I know you’re busy. Talk to you soon. Love you, bye.”

Neighbor:

“Don’t worry, the dogs will be fine here while you’re away for the weekend. No really, they’ll be so happy here. We’re going to play and go for walks and snuggle on the couch together. I’ll send you pictures to Train Guy's phone and you can call everyday.”

True Love:

“Hold on a second, you have this one black hair coming out of your chin. Let me get the tweezers. (ouch!) Done! Wow. Please don’t ever tell anyone I just did that.”

Too late….

Note to self:

2006-07-31T14:40:00.000-05:00

Remember that you took a B Complex vitamin with breakfast and do not freak out when you pee a weird shade of neon yellow. You are not suddenly radioactive nor are you going to die from a strange, tropical urinary disease.

Exposing oneself to thy neighbors

2006-07-28T13:33:00.000-05:00

So, you know when you have plans to participate in the First Annual Neighborhood Mini Golf Tournament and you all congregate at 6:30 to decide whether the ominous clouds hanging overhead really will open up when you get to the mini golf place or not but you all go anyway because, hey, why not! and when you get there and get your balls and METAL clubs you go out on the course and at the first hole the heavens open up and you are soaked all the way thru but you keep playing anyway because really, what’s all that lightening and thunder and pouring raining REALLY going to do to you, and you’re already soaked to the bone, I mean you don’t melt, so you all keep playing and by the 4th hole you look like you jumped into a swimming pool with your clothes on and you all come to the conclusion that, I don’t know, maybe playing mini golf outside in the middle of a horrible thunder and lightening storm while carrying LIGHTENING RODS might not be the brightest idea? Yeah, and you know how white shirts aren’t exactly the best fashion choice while standing in the rain? Well, it seems that matching it with those really light weight, baby blue capri pants that APPARENTLY become see-thru when wet might not be such a good idea either.

SPAM mail subject line of the week

2006-07-27T14:03:00.000-05:00

Kind of a bad title since I haven't posted one of these in MONTHS but whatever....

“Your future, orange marmalade”

Huh? I don’t get it so of course I opened it and probably infected my computer with some virus but while I wait for my computer to spontaneously combust I see that they’re trying to sell me Cialis. After reading this:

"Even if you have no erectin problems SOFT CIACLIS would help you to make BETTER SEYX MORE OFTEN! and to bring unimagnable plesure to her. Just disolve half a pil under your tongue and get ready for action in 15 minutes. The tests showed that the majority of men after taking this medic ation were able to have PERFECT ERAECTION during 36 hours!VISIT US, AND GET OUR SPECIAL 70% DISCVOUNT OFER!"

Who wouldn’t want to get some?!? Forget the 70% off (we know I'm a sucker for a bargain) the spelling alone gets me hot and bothered. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a cigarette.

Life altering for some, routine for others

2006-07-26T08:58:00.000-05:00

WOW. It’s been a BIG day for my family. My sister called and told me the most wonderful news. Quite honestly, I never thought she’d do it. I’ve been begging her for years. Telling her what a huge difference it will make in her life and up until now she’s never listened. She’s dismissed me and insulted me. Until now.

When she called with sheer joy in her voice I asked her what happened. She said she had BIG news. I asked if she had quit her job. She said BIGGER. I asked her if she was pregnant. Even bigger, she replied. I asked if she got divorced. She was a bit insulted but alas, no. I asked her if she was moving? Not now.

Then she told me…

She finally got her eyebrows waxed.

Now you may make fun of this or see this as a trivial act of beauty maintenance but she had some SERIOUS issues with her eyebrows. Think Brooke Shields back in her early twenties. I’ve routinely asked if I could pluck them for her or take her to get them waxed but she’s adamantly refused. I don’t know why either. She’s an inch and a half taller than me, skinnier, got the better jaw line, works out at a gym 5 days a week and has a gorgeous face but she’s always had those damned dark, bushy eyebrows. Until yesterday.

I’ve never been so proud. She’s thrilled and says her whole face looks different (and I’m sure she’s a pound lighter now too). I told her to take a picture and e-mail it to me. I can’t wait to see it but until then I need to get a tissue. I’m feeling a bit choked up.

Have you tried calling your Doctor?

2006-07-24T14:20:00.000-05:00

I think the woman who sits around the corner from me just coughed up a lung. Seriously. She has been coughing all morning and sounds terrible. About 5 minutes ago she stopped and since I didn’t see her walk by I honestly thought that she must have coughed up one, or even both, of her lungs onto her desk and died. I actually got up and walked over to see if she was OK. I looked but there were no major organs on or around her desk so either it/they were under her desk or she just plain old stopped coughing. What WAS on her desk, however, was a carton of orange juice, a box of Kleenex and two bottles of Robitussin cough syrup.

To the coughing woman: this is why we have sick days. Please don’t come in if you sound that bad. I don’t want to catch what you have nor do I want to hear you. And I also don’t want to be so concerned for your well-being that if you actually do stop coughing I feel the need to stand up and walk over to make sure you’re not dead. Thank you.

And here I thought it was a pain traveling with a laptop

2006-07-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

After getting my ticket and while walking to the security checkpoint at DFW airport Wednesday night I seemed to get wedged in-between 257 soldiers going off somewhere. (Honestly, I didn’t want to ask where to but I did ask how many there were. They all looked pretty happy so I’m hoping they’re staying in the continental US). They were all in fatigues and carried small duffle bags. I stuck out like a sore thumb in my Capri pants and white tanktop and we all smiled and waited our turn to go thru the metal detectors.

I used to think that having to whip out my laptop and put it in its own gray bin to shove thru the x-ray machine was a pain. Obviously I’ve never been in the military. Suffice it to say, I was grateful I had over an hour until my flight took off.

Good Lord they wear a lot of “stuff.” It was taking forever! They may as well just have taken EVERYTHING off, in fact some of them should have. Those fatigues seem to have a million handy little pockets for them to store and hide tons of stuff such as lighters (which were confiscated), IDs, metal badges, medals, phones, keys and God knows what else. Then there are the belts, the boots (which look like a pain in the ASS to untie) and the dog tags. And that was just on them. Their bags contained equally as much stuff to have to be scanned carefully. I felt so bad for them and they all came out the other side carrying their stuff and trying to shove it back into the pockets out of which they had been pulled. They looked so vulnerable holding their stuff, untucked and disheveled. I wanted to help tie them up and put them back together.

After that process I went and sat down at my gate and noticed an inordinately high number of women in blue suits and stockings (in Dallas when it’s 106 outside?!?!) with black handbags, fanny packs and roller board suitcases with pink lipstick kisses all over them. I was puzzled at who had been shopping at the knock off Salvador Dali shop when I remembered something I had read in the paper at my sister’s; the Mary Kay convention was being held in Dallas. These were the poor women that hadn’t won their pink Cadillacs and had to fly home. Oh the shame. Then I started panicking.

What if one sat next to me? What if they tried to give me a make-over or worse, try to sell me something?! What does one do when they are wedged into a window seat 30,000 feet up in the air for thee and a half hours with nowhere to escape?!?!

So as we lined up to board I was surrounded by bags puckering up at me and was praying to some God, ANY God, that one of the heavily made up women with long pink claws, whom I’m sure were perfectly lovely people, doesn’t sit next to me. And they didn’t! I’m going to go pray to win the lottery now. Excuse me.

Gone fishin'! Well, not really fishing per say but definitely gone

2006-07-14T12:07:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I am headed down to the greater Dallas area to visit my favorite (only) sister and her daughter for a few days. Now, you may ask yourself, “Why the hell would you head to Dallas to visit your sister in the middle of July when it’s 102 degrees with 80% humidity there?” Well, that’s a damn fine question. The answer is because I’m just not that bright. Well that, and that her husband is away for a few weeks for work so she could use an extra set of hands and also because I always visit her in July. Ridiculous I know, but that’s what it is. And so unless there are a couple of things that are REALLY worth mentioning over the next five days you won’t hear from me until late next week.

Uh, this seat's taken

2006-07-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

There are days when taking the train to work in the summer is wonderful and relaxing. The cold air conditioned car welcomes you in from the 95 degree afternoon heat and the seat is comfortable enough that you might actually enjoy a short nap on the way home.

Then there are the other days. For instance it was POURING a couple of days last week and getting on an icy cold train from the oppressively hot outdoors dripping wet was a relief at first and then I began to shiver. I was miserable. However, I will take all of this to not have what happened to me on Wednesday happen again.

The ever present fear of the “Bad B.O. Seat Sharing Passenger.” Oh yes, they are many and in the summer they come out in droves. So on Wednesday a nice man in a beautiful suit slipped into my row of seats. (Mind you, you are always conscious of who is sitting next to you and you hope it’s not the man who reads his New York Times out loud softly or the woman who knits and whacks you in the arm with every stitch she makes… or drops… or the obnoxious person who is talking on their cell phone oblivious to the fact that everyone around him really doesn’t give a crap that he didn’t make his bonus and that his wife spends too much money.) So, my seat-mate on Wednesday was a 40-something, good looking, business men in a gorgeous suit with a French blue shirt with white collar and cuffs (I LOVE those shirts). So as he walks into my row we make the requisite eighth of a second eye contact and acknowledge the other’s presence with a slight upturn at the corners of our mouths. He puts his briefcase down and then begins to take off his jacket…..

NOOOOooooooooooo…

Oh yes, his shirt that was hidden by his beautifully tailored jacket was completely soaked thru with sweat and he smelled. Actually, that’s too kind a word; he REEKED. Oh my God I thought I was going to gag. In fact, I did.

I do feel bad for men and women who still have to wear suits to work. It seems cruel that on a hot, humid summer day one must put on a wool suit and socks, shoes a shirt, tie and jacket and not just expect to stay fresh as daisy the minute they walk out their door but to make it out the door, out to their car or the train, ride said train and then walk from the station to one’s office building. And then complete the same trip back. I do feel for them, I truly do but I feel for me too. Why the hell didn’t he take his jacket off and CARRY it to/on the train? Why couldn’t he have used a whole stick of deodorant/antiperspirant or, for the love of God, why couldn’t he have taken a cab home? He certainly looks like he could have afforded it. So that, my dear friends is another person I will now have to keep an eye out for on the train.

They do say that murderers, pedophiles and other delinquents look “like the guy next door.” Apparently the same holds true for people with bad BO too. This, among other things, is why after this humiliation I now keep a stick of deodorant at work.

Next she'll be ordering curtains

2006-07-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

So what is considered an appropriate office decoration? The ugly picture that didn’t make the cut for your living room wall or even your guest room so you figure that staring at it ALL DAY at work is a better place for it? How about a globe on the corner of a desk? Dreaming of places you’d rather be than stuck behind that slab of laminated particle board? Or my personal favorite, the wall of diplomas. What are you trying to prove if you have your Bachelors in HISTORY? I understand a Doctor’s office. You better as hell believe I want to know what Ivy League school you graduated from that gives you the authority to tell me that I definitely need Claritin or possibly a Tylenol.

However I ask because the woman down the hall from me has a Firefighters of New York calendar on her wall. It wasn’t there yesterday but when I walked by to the bathroom a minute ago there it was for all to see. Now, don’t get me wrong, seeing Mr. July scantily clad is definitely appealing to me, but for the office? It reminds me of a fourth grade teacher of mine, Miss Harold, who had a poster of Tom Selleck during the Magnum PI days on the wall of her classroom. A parent complained (he was FULLY clothed and leaning on his Ferrari) so she took it down. Actually, she put it up behind a map. Very funny. But I digress, and back to 2006; what do you all think? A bit much? Inappropriate? I find it distracting. I mean this is my fifth trip to the bathroom this hour…

Shrimp; it's what's for dinner. Except in my house.

2006-07-10T15:10:00.000-05:00

OK, I promised a better post so here it is. Of course I'm not sure I would call this "better." Anyway, I would blog about the Tour today but won't because it’s a “Rest Day.” Yes, apparently these guys actually get a day off to rest because someone decided it’s hard to ride approximately 140 miles or so a day no matter what the weather up steep mountains and across the country side for WEEKS at a time. Humph…

Shrimp.

I hate it. Or is it “them”? Anyway, whatever it is I think they’re gross. Not really gross because I don’t feel they have much taste and therefore seem to be some weird, pink, rubbery conduit to get cocktail sauce into one’s mouth. What I don’t get, however, is the obsession with them. I mean, if you go to a party and there’s shrimp cocktail you will inevitably hear, “Oooh, look Ethel, they have shrimp cocktail!” You don’t see people saying that about mushroom caps or a wheel of brie or pigs in a blanket (OK, maybe you’ll hear it for pigs in a blanket).

So why shrimp?

Shrimp is also the only food that is offered in restaurants on a platter cooked a million different ways. For instance, you can order a “serving” that consists of a platter of shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, broiled shrimp and popcorn shrimp. I don’t get it. No other food is offered that way. You can’t order the chicken platter that has grilled, fried and roasted chicken on it. You don’t get the Beef on a Plate special that has steak tartare, a rib eye and a burger. They don’t exist so why DOES it exist for shrimp???? What is it about those little crustaceans that everyone but me loves?!?! Well, everyone but me and people like my friend K who if she so much as catches a whiff of one blows up like a balloon because she’s allergic to them.

Yes, I actually think about these things. Really.

The thrill of the ride

2006-07-07T13:42:00.000-05:00

I promise I’ll write about shrimp and the Tour de France another day but what I need to write about (this one’s for you Cool Neighbor Chick) is the fact that Train Guy made me drive his car last night.

Yep, he MADE me.

Train Guy has an AWESOME sports car and I am scared of it. As I mentioned before, I LOVE cars. He’s offered to let me drive it before but knowing the size of his engine (heh, heh, heh) and then the cost of the damned thing (I couldn’t afford to replace a headlight should I accidentally smash it) makes me scared of it. And, quite honestly, I love being driven in the car. I love sitting in the passenger seat and watching the world fly by. Train Guy is an excellent driver. Even went to race car driving school for SIX months (no kidding) and so he can handle that thing like the fine piece of German engineering that it is but even though he’s offered I’ve turned him down.

Until last night.

He picked me up and as I walked out the door he got out and said, “You’re driving and all the way downtown not just around the block.” I’m sure this is domestic abuse in some way. I got in and OH.MY.GOD. sigh…. It was quite possibly the most thrilling thing I’ve ever done and my stomach muscles were tense the entire time.

Nothing beats getting on the highway from 0 to EIGHTY FIVE (oh yeah, EIGHTY FIVE BABY!!!!!! I even got the rear spoiler to go up!) in under a millisecond. Holy crap.

All went well until on the way back from downtown I put the car in first and then it slipped out of gear. OUCH. Oh the look on Train Guy’s face. I couldn’t stop apologizing and even though he said it was OK I know he was dying inside. Needless to say, even though he said I can drive it anytime I doubt I’ll be getting behind the wheel again. But damn did I get some awesome cat calls in that thing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go put my house on the market so I can go buy my own. I’m sure the dogs and I will love living in it. So Cool Neighbor Chick, can I move into your garage and use your bathroom in exchange for free rides in it? We can do our Girls Gone Wild schtick in it with our other Awesome Neighbor Chick.

Just a little more to the left

2006-07-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

I am sorry. It’s been busy here at work what with me checking in at velonews.com to check the race, joining conference calls in which I can’t hear a damn thing anyone is saying so I mute the phone and file my nails and searching the internet for proof that the news report on Channel 10 this morning was correct and that Jen and Vince really did get engaged. I mean, I need to know because I’ll have to go shopping for a gift.

Honestly, I’ve been a bit busy and I’ll be out of the office all day tomorrow at meetings and so I’m trying to prepare for those so I don’t sound like an utter jackass as usual. And the “best” part is that we’ll be conferenced in via VIDEO conferencing. Greeeeeaaaaat, so I’ll actually have to iron my pants, brush my hair and throw on some make-up for good measure. Yes, there’s nothing really bad about watching one’s co-workers on TV live but throw in having your own image in a box in the corner of the screen is really disconcerting.

I find myself staring at my image the whole time. Hmmm, if I tip my head to the left you can’t quite see the start of a double chin, please make a mental note to always tip my head to the left. Then I start fidgeting with my hair and becoming generally obsessed that my head really does look like a soft bowling ball and that it is way to small for my body and what was I thinking wearing that black shirt with those khaki pants? I’ll also have to make a concerted effort to curb my yawning because all the self-critiquing while trying to say intelligent things just wipes me out.

Shellfish or spandex?

2006-07-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

Sorry all but apparently my brain is still on vacation. Four and a half days off will do that to you. I promise to post tomorrow. Maybe something about shrimp, how I hate them but America loves them, or maybe about the Tour de France. I’m obsessed. I love it. How can you not love the most amazing athletes EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THE EARTH who wear spandex and are so damned polite in their sport that they’ll stop and take group pee breaks. Granted they do it on the side of the road while on camera but whatever. But on the flip side there’s the fact that they all have negative body fat percentages and weigh less than my right arm so maybe I’m not as crazy about them as first thought. See, I need to go and think this through.

Yeah, maybe I’ll blog about that tomorrow. Thank God for TiVo and do NOT tell me who won today’s stage or I will be very, very unhappy.

I love games, as long as I win

2006-06-30T09:19:00.000-05:00

So Train Guy has this little game he likes to play called, “Let’s guess E’s age.” The other night I accompanied him in to his “office” so he could prepare something in a Petri dish with some cells or something before we grabbed dinner. One of his coworkers was there who I’d never met so while he was centrifuging something or God knows what he does for a living I talked to her.

This morning when he got in to work that same woman asked him if I was still in school. He said no but how old do you think she is? This absolutely lovely woman who is now entitled to my first born should I accidentally procreate said, and I quote, “21 or 22?” Oh how I love her. Train Guy replied with, “HAH, she’s a member of AARP.”

Very funny, Mister but let’s not forget members of AARP get some kick-ass discounts. And I will not be passing those savings on to you. Now, please go be a dear and get me my cardigan because I think I’m catching a chill.

I am SO going to judge now

2006-06-29T11:06:00.000-05:00

On the news this morning a man was interviewed about the flooding here in the Northeast. His niece had been swept away in the flood waters. He was choking up but got out the words, “It’s so sad, she got swept away. I lost $2,000 worth of guns, gone, just gone…(sobbing commences)” are you fucking kidding me?!? You’re worried about losing your precious gun collection and your niece is most likely dead? THIS is what you say on national television?! Someone needs a priority check. Preferably with one of his missing guns.

Singing in the sun

2006-06-28T14:50:00.000-05:00

The sun is FINALLY shining. We’ve had 7 inches of rain in 4 days and four inches of it fell last night. No joke. Rivers are overflowing, homes are being washed away and according to the weather people we haven’t even seen the worst of it yet. The rivers haven’t crested yet. That’s going to happen tonight.

I, on the other hand, was dreading going down to my basement this morning. Not because I was afraid the boogey man would get me (or the fur/dust balls since I have never vacuumed the concrete floor once since I moved in nearly two years ago. SIDEBAR - Uh, is that really gross or just sort of gross? How often do you vacuum your concrete basement floor?). I was afraid of finding out how much water would greet me. Would it be lapping at the first step or just be creeping in at the edges where the floor meets the wall? Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I just had a small trickle coming in right near the dehumidifier. Not bad!

Of course I was thrilled I didn’t have all of my crap (and I mean that kind of literally. My basement is a repository of all things crappy. When I don’t know what to do with something I just wing it down the basement stairs and try not to trip over it when I go down there to do the laundry) ruined but really I was just thrilled that I didn’t have to vacuum it all up with my neighbor’s wet/dry vac or *GASP* worse, CLEAN THE BASEMENT! I’ve gone this long without doing anything down there so why break the tradition now?

Pigeon toed?

2006-06-27T14:22:00.000-05:00

So yesterday as I was waiting for the train on the platform there were several pigeons bobbing their way around looking for French fries, potato chips and whatever else falls from commuters’ mouths as they jam food in their mouths before the train comes. I never really paid any attention to the pigeons before. The just strut around with their heads jutting out with every step which makes me rather dizzy to watch - wouldn’t that be really annoying if with every step you took your head pushed forward? Anyway….. So yesterday I actually watched them and I noticed that one was missing a foot and was hobbling around on the stump. I’ve seen this before. Several times actually but I never really thought about it. Then I looked at two of the other pigeons and they were all missing toes. One pigeon only had one toe on one foot and two on the other and the other rodent with wings had two toes on each foot. There was one that all its toes (hence how I knew that pigeons indeed have three toes per foot) but watching them walk I wondered, how? How does a pigeon lose a foot or even some toes? Isn’t that strange to you all?

At this point you may be thinking that I’ve really lost it. That maybe the pressure of finding a dress for Train Guy’s cousin’s wedding has sent me over the deep end or possibly being locked in my office all day with no social interactions besides my bathroom jaunts has made me crazy, but no! Seriously, how in the hell does a pigeon lose a toe or four?

It’s not like they lose them at the saw mill or in some underage sweat shop making t-shirts for Kathy Lee Gifford. A train certainly couldn’t have run over their feet. They aren’t sitting at a loom in India making rugs or even working in a factory applying thingamajigs to whoozamacallits. So how does it happen?

If you find out please let me know. I’m not losing sleep over it or anything but I am curious. Of course it doesn’t seem to be a real handicap for them. Those were some of the fattest birds I have ever seen. I could easily serve one up on Thanksgiving to a table of 20 and no one would know it wasn’t a turkey.

Estrogen lives here!

2006-06-23T13:36:00.000-05:00

Here’s the house with the mutts (you can supersize the picture by clicking on it). Lucy the Lab is eagerly awaiting my return from - GASP - across the street and George the Jack Russell is watching the neighbor’s cat bask in the sun.

The outside of my home and the inside of it are completely different. Not just because one is inside and one is outside (wiseass) but in terms of style. My house is all cutesy on the outside and I am COMPLETELY guilty of exacerbating that fact by planting pink and purple flowers with dripping pink window boxes. Then there is the inside.

It’s painted with muted earth tones and decorated with some Jewel tones and the boldest color I have is the dark green sofa.

My outside screams, “SINGLE GIRL LIVES HERE!!” and reminds me of everything I hate about being female. The inside is subtle and quiet with no real color. Sort of like me (quiet? Me?hahaha) . I only wear white, black, gray, blue jeans or when I feel the need to go crazy, khaki. This isn’t just because I can’t match colors to save my life but because I’m not a loud person and color just isn’t my thing. The outside of the house doesn’t give this impression in the least. I finally planted some yellow in the front just because I didn’t want Train Guy to feel emasculated when pulling in the driveway.

It certainly wasn't teen spirit

2006-06-22T14:14:00.000-05:00

The other day I went over to my parents’ house to pick up the mutts and my father said to me, “Can you smell the pollution in the air?” It was really hot and humid out and I replied with, “I work downtown and walk a half mile in bus fumes and God knows what else to get to the train station. It smells fine out here.”

So as I took a stroll at lunch time yesterday I decided to actually pay attention to what things smelled like. And let me tell you, roses were not a scent I smelled.

Here is what I smelled:

Really cheap cologne sprayed liberally
Urine
Bus fumes
Diesel fumes from a University of Pennsylvania police car
Sewage
Cigarette smoke
Coffee
Steam grate stench
Hamburgers
Really cheap perfume
Baby powder
Chinese food
Chanel Number 5
And pipe smoke.

At the pipe smoke I stopped smelling everything else and I followed the guy three blocks out of my way. I LOVE the smell of pipe smoke. I’ve followed pipe smoking men before too. I have no shame I just love the smell.

I know when I fell in love with the smell of pipe smoke too. I was an infant. Seriously. My pediatrician growing up in Connecticut smoked a pipe. He would do the exam and then we’d go into his office and he’d sit behind his huge desk and light up his pipe. I still find that hysterical. What kind of a Doctor, and a PEDIATRICIAN at that, would SMOKE within a 3 foot radius of his patients?!? He also always had a bowl of pretzels on his desk too but I’m sure I would have loved those regardless of his early influence.

Coincidence #1 between me and Train Guy: We were born in the same hospital in Connecticut 7 years and 9 days apart.

Coincidence #2 between me and Train Guy: We went to the same pediatrician.

Coincidence #3 between me and Train Guy: He, too, loves the smell of pipe smoke.

Comment his Mother said to me when we realized we went to the same pediatrician: “How funny! He’s seen you both naked!”

My response: “Uhhhhhhhhhh……… more wine?”

Freaking out E Style, 2006

2006-06-21T14:04:00.000-05:00

I’m pretty laid back…now. I don’t care that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up so I certainly wouldn’t expect friends, boyfriends or family to know either. I don’t worry too much about money. I probably should as I never make “enough” but I get by. I don’t care that I have no idea where I will be or who I will be with in 10 years. I found out that, shockingly, I can’t change people and that they are who they are for better or worse, love them or leave them. It took me 32 years and a few anxiety attacks to realize that I really don’t have control over the universe and what will happen will happen so, as Frankie who Goes to Hollywood would say, “RELAX.”

I do however still like to plan things. I make plans with friends for dinner 6 weeks in advance. Not necessarily because my dance card is filled but because I like to plan things. I like to know what I’m doing when and I like to look at my calendar at home and see that I will indeed be breaking bread with X and Y on a certain date and won’t it be lovely to see them? It’s one of the redeeming factors of my job. I get to plan other people’s time and tell them what to do and when. I like to say I boss people around but essentially I schedule things.

Now that said, I’m getting better with being more spontaneous. Train Guy can ask me that morning to go to dinner or meet some friends with him that evening and I’m fine with it. He can even call at 9 at ngiht and ask me to go and meet him and I can deal with that too. Do I like to make reservations and plan with friends weeks in advance? You bet, but I’m fine if I don’t. Back when I was 25 and living downtown my friend S, who was/is equally as anal a planner as I, would make plans to be spontaneous. Yep, you read that right. See we hated when we didn’t know what we’d be doing on any given night so we’d make plans to get together and then would wait to see what party plans came to light. We’d go to dinner and hang out and then when someone called at midnight and said, “We’re at X bar come on down” we’d go. Crazy yes but it worked for us. She’s now married and her husband accepts her for who she is and gives her free rein to plan away. Even Train Guy is now at point where he says, “You make the plans and then just tell me when we’re going.” Heaven to me, really.

So here I am freaking. Train Guy invited me to go with him to Nantucket in September for a relative’s wedding. His whole family will be there. Granted it’s in 2 and a half months but we don’t have a place to say and Train Guy says he’s going take care of the details. Breathe….. AND, I don’t have a dress yet. Hell, I’m going to need 2 and a new wardrobe. And I only have 10 weeks to shop. For S’s wedding I had a dress a year in advance and knew where I was staying 6 months in advance.

Thank God S could fit me in for an afternoon of shopping this week. She didn’t even look at her calendar, she just said yes. Now that’s a friend. A spontaneous friend. See? We’re getting better.

Oral hygiene is very important but….

2006-06-19T13:47:00.000-05:00

So this afternoon I jumped (well, not literally jumped because that might be dangerous not to mention asinine looking) on the Subway to go meet a friend for lunch. A friend who moved to Atlanta with her family the exact week I was moving back to Philadelphia from Cincinnati – this doesn’t pertain to the story at all but isn’t it nice I keep in touch with old friends?

Sooooo, I get on a car and standing across from me is this really tall kid, probably about 16 or 17 with huge baggy shorts on, a big baggy t-shirt with a bath towel draped around his neck and he’s holding a toothbrush.

Hmmm, really?

It wasn’t in packaging or even in a case and there was no toothpaste on it (I looked). SO this begs the question, “Uh, WHY?”

I do think oral hygiene is important. I do love the dentist, examples here and here, but I certainly don’t go so far as carrying a toothbrush with me everywhere like a woman carries a handbag. But, who am I to judge, good for him for brushing. I just hope he had some floss in his pocket because taking care of your gums is just as important. Maybe I should have said something to him… or handed him the floss that I keep in my purse.