Freaking out E Style, 2006

I’m pretty laid back…now. I don’t care that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up so I certainly wouldn’t expect friends, boyfriends or family to know either. I don’t worry too much about money. I probably should as I never make “enough” but I get by. I don’t care that I have no idea where I will be or who I will be with in 10 years. I found out that, shockingly, I can’t change people and that they are who they are for better or worse, love them or leave them. It took me 32 years and a few anxiety attacks to realize that I really don’t have control over the universe and what will happen will happen so, as Frankie who Goes to Hollywood would say, “RELAX.”

I do however still like to plan things. I make plans with friends for dinner 6 weeks in advance. Not necessarily because my dance card is filled but because I like to plan things. I like to know what I’m doing when and I like to look at my calendar at home and see that I will indeed be breaking bread with X and Y on a certain date and won’t it be lovely to see them? It’s one of the redeeming factors of my job. I get to plan other people’s time and tell them what to do and when. I like to say I boss people around but essentially I schedule things.

Now that said, I’m getting better with being more spontaneous. Train Guy can ask me that morning to go to dinner or meet some friends with him that evening and I’m fine with it. He can even call at 9 at ngiht and ask me to go and meet him and I can deal with that too. Do I like to make reservations and plan with friends weeks in advance? You bet, but I’m fine if I don’t. Back when I was 25 and living downtown my friend S, who was/is equally as anal a planner as I, would make plans to be spontaneous. Yep, you read that right. See we hated when we didn’t know what we’d be doing on any given night so we’d make plans to get together and then would wait to see what party plans came to light. We’d go to dinner and hang out and then when someone called at midnight and said, “We’re at X bar come on down” we’d go. Crazy yes but it worked for us. She’s now married and her husband accepts her for who she is and gives her free rein to plan away. Even Train Guy is now at point where he says, “You make the plans and then just tell me when we’re going.” Heaven to me, really.

So here I am freaking. Train Guy invited me to go with him to Nantucket in September for a relative’s wedding. His whole family will be there. Granted it’s in 2 and a half months but we don’t have a place to say and Train Guy says he’s going take care of the details. Breathe….. AND, I don’t have a dress yet. Hell, I’m going to need 2 and a new wardrobe. And I only have 10 weeks to shop. For S’s wedding I had a dress a year in advance and knew where I was staying 6 months in advance.

Thank God S could fit me in for an afternoon of shopping this week. She didn’t even look at her calendar, she just said yes. Now that’s a friend. A spontaneous friend. See? We’re getting better.