Grief

A very good friend of mine’s father passed away on Thanksgiving night. He had been fighting cancer for well over a year and it was not a sudden death. It was, however, a peaceful ending to a very awful illness. My friend had spoken to me earlier in the week and told me that her father had stopped eating and had decided it was time. The cancer that had consumed him and had made it impossible to walk or stand had finally completed it’s terrible mission.

I did not know her father all that well. I saw him at her boys’ birthday parties, backyard barbecues, and Thanksgiving and Easter holidays that I joined them for, but I never spent much time talking with him. He was such a quiet, kind, gentle man who, while the adults were talking, would sit on the floor with his Grandsons playing cars or whatever the game of the week was. When my friend called me this past Friday morning to tell me he had died during the night, I was overcome with grief. I felt terrible for her, her bother, her mother and all of their family.

Mr. K had become very successful running a large, local business. According to my friend he was approached numerous times to sell out to big, national conglomerates but never did. Not even during his struggle with cancer did he want to sell. He knew if he did that many of his employees would lose their jobs. I saw one of his company’s commercials earlier last week and broke down in tears and surprised myself in the process. I saw another on Friday morning after my friend called and have not been able to turn on the TV since for fear of seeing another commercial and losing it again.

I am surprised by how hard his death is affecting me; this man, who lived for his family and business, but who I never really spoke to. What I do know is what he did for his family and how much he loved them. He made it easier for them to enjoy their lives and each other. In all this he also, unknowingly, helped me. He made it possible for my friend to do something for me that not many other friends would ever want to or be able to do. He raised her to be generous and kind, trusting and understanding. For that I cry and for that I feel extreme grief that a wonderful, honest, caring man, husband, father, grandfather and brother is gone.