Silence really IS golden

In a very uncharacteristic move on my part, I actually hesitated before writing this. Last night I went to the movies with a neighbor friend of mine and her friend who I'd never met before. I really liked the neighbor’s friend and I really like my neighbor too (who has this Blog address), but it’s me and I just can’t help myself.

I may have stated this before but one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people who talk during the movies. I HATE it with a passion stronger than the feelings of hatred I have for the kids in the neighborhood whose basketball playing and yelling wake me up from my mid-afternoon naps on the weekends. OK, fine. It’s a toss up. Anyway, bottom line: I hate it when people talk during the movies.

So, we get to the theater. You see where this is going, right? I have my big ass tub of popcorn drowning in butter flavored topping in my lap, my bottle of water is on my left and I am ready for the movie to begin. As the previews start my neighbor’s friend starts talking. Not the, “Oooh, I want to see that.” But, “Oh my God, that is so funny!” Great, ha ha, OK now, be quiet……… Oh nooooooooooo, you’re not going to be one of THOSE people are you??

All thru the one hour and 37 minute running time of “Rumor Has It” (rumor didn’t get to me that it wasn’t worth my $9. I wouldn’t even rent it BUT I would recommend watching it on TBS where it will undoubtedly turn up in a couple of years – something has to replace As Good As It Gets) she talked. In fact, it was more of a running commentary, “Oh no she didn’t?!” and “He’s lying.” And “Oh my God look at her I haven’t seen her since she was in Misery. I can’t imagine her in anything but that. What’s her name?” and “That’s Randy Travis singing that song.” She also sung along to the background music, read the posters on the walls out loud, commented on clothing and proceeded to point out the obvious.

I understand a gasp or an “Oh no!” even. I also understand, and expect, that if you’re going to a G or PG rated movie that kids will talk. Ask questions even, but adults? Why can’t people just shut up? Is it that hard? Do you not understand the concept of being quiet? Is there something wrong with you and you really can’t not talk for an hour and a half? Do you think I’m blind and can’t see what is going on on a 40 foot by 25 foot screen just yards from my face?

There is a reason that little cartoon character comes on the screen before the movie starts and puts his “finger” to his lips and says, “Shhhhhhh!” before it begins. What he/she/it is trying to say is, “Shut the fuck up lest you wreak the wrath of your fellow moviegoers or the 12 year old usher with acne larger than the pieces of popcorn stuck to the soles of your shoes who may escort you from the theater.”

I really would have said something if she had been a stranger. I would have at least turned around and shot her dirty looks but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I actually really liked her and out of respect to my friend I couldn’t do it even though the words were on the tip of my tongue. Instead I will just seethe and then blog about it and now probably hurt my neighbor’s feelings should she read this. But know that it wasn’t you! You weren’t saying anything. Just please, if you ever want to go to another movie with me again, and I really hope you do, please do not bring your friend or if you want to do something with the two of us let’s just go get Chinese.