Wednesday, January 04, 2006

SPAM... a lot

I know everyone gets SPAM mail. I get a ton everyday. What I really do wonder is not just who opens those e-mails but who actually PURCHASES the products they offer. I want to write to one of these places and ask what their ratio is of items sold to the number of e-mails sent out. Seriously.

And what about target marketing? Why do I get more "Vi*grA!!" ads than "REAL Rolecx WATch!" e-mails? My e-mail address begins with my first name which is a pretty common FEMALE name (for all those of you who thought that my given name was “E” well, SURPRISE!! It’s actually the first letter of my name and a nickname. I’m more anonymous this way because if I wrote I was “Elizabeth from Philadelphia” you’d all say, “Oh HER? Yeah, I know her.” Tricky huh?). Of course these companies, and I use that term loosely, could be hoping that women would see them and say, “Wow, yeah, you know I’ve been thinking that my husband/boyfriend/boy toy, really does need some enlarging. I know, I’ll order a few pills from some random Web source and slip them to him in is beer at night!”

Then there are the alternatives to the Ci-iallis and V-iiaggrra ads. Just this morning I got one offering to help me enlarge my penis. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Nothing can actually enlarge what God has given you!” (or, “she doesn’t have a penis because she is a SHE” but one never knows does one?) but this one says it’s SPECIAL and that it really works. It’s an herbal one. We all know that buying prescription meds from an unknown internet source is dangerous. But an herbal one? Well, that’s got to be safe. It’s all natural!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to tara who sent me an invite for a dirty fling. It would be rude of me not to reply since it was such a lovely invitation. I won’t be able to make it though. I have to wash my hair.


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