Monday, December 19, 2005

Can one freebase cocoa?

I am slowly dying. Today in the mail I got an ENORMOUS box of truffles from one of my clients and any day now I should be getting my One Pound of Heaven in a Gold Box from another one (he sends me Godivas every year). Now, usually this would bring me joy. I would sit in my office slowly savoring each one while trying not to drool chocolate all over myself, my desk and my chair. But this year all I can do is sit there and stare at it and curse whoever first mixed cocoa, sugar and cream together.

I can not eat sugar. Any type of sugar. It’s not because I don’t want to. Trust me, I do. I crave it like a crack whore craves her daily fix but I resist the temptation. Barely. I’m hypoglycemic and in a previous life I used to eat more cake, donuts, cupcakes and Snickers bars than the entire state of Idaho did last year. I actually think that that might be a correct statement. I have low blood sugar which unfortunately does not mean that by eating raw sugar it raises the levels. I can not eat sucrose, glucose, honey, molasses or even fructose (well, I can have fruit in small numbers and as long as it’s not super sweet). I can’t eat anything my body digests quickly or that is a stimulant; so no coffee ( I do cheat on this a bit – a girl has needs!!), white pasta , rice or ALCOHOL!!!! (OK, I can now have a glass of wine every now and then as long as it’s with a big meal.) I can eat protein, whole grains, vegetables and fat. Mmmm…. Cheeeesse…

The “side-effects” of not eating, drinking, or injecting any of these things anymore have been awful. It’s like coming off heroin (not that I would know personally but I did see the movie Traffic). The first week I actually got the shakes and raging headaches from not drinking my 8 pots of coffee a day. It was AWFUL. I wouldn’t wish my cravings on anyone. At Halloween I really looked thru the phonebookfor a Sugarholics Anonymous phone number. Does anyone know of a number?

There is only one good thing to have come out of all this; I eat better and, gulp, I hate to admit it, I actually feel better. A lot better. I have so much more energy and after 6 months the cravings are minimal. I also eat every 2 hours so I’m full all the time. I’ve also lost some weight which is great but I can’t say it’s been easy. I think I would take back on the pounds if I could eat an entire birthday cake. Or a box of Krispy Kremes, Or 6 Snickers bars. Or all the chocolate I got this Christmas.

So here I am sitting and staring at the chocolate and trying to figure out who is worthy of receiving it. Anyone?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooh! Oooh! Pick me!! pick me!!

I already ate half the box I got from my foreign currency exchange people yesterday!

Whaaaa??? no sugar? Jeez, E, I'm really sorry to hear that.

Personally, I would rather lose an eye than not be able to have chocolate.

December 20, 2005 9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well. THAT sounded kinda shitty didn't it?

I'm sorry. Didn't mean for it to "sound" like I was poking fun at you.

December 20, 2005 9:56 AM  
Blogger E said...

Sigh.. it's OK. I'm used to it. I have another friend who said she'd give up one of her children before she'd give up chocolate.

I never thougth I'd be able to do it either but I did. Of course I would NEVER have done it by choice!!

December 20, 2005 1:10 PM  
Anonymous melissa said...

I'm so sorry, E! You DESERVE chocolate.

I wish I could say to send it here, but dammit, come January we MUST eat better so we feel normal again!

December 20, 2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger t_cole said...

I would KILL for chocoalate. Make no mistake. Yesterday - at the airport, I bought one of those oversized Dark Chocolate Ghiradelli bars. I HAD EARNED IT DAMMIT. Odd enuf, there's about half of it still in my purse. Must be sick...

I am so sorry you cannot eat it any longer. Thrilled about the resulting weight loss and feel-good benefits, but I mourn for your loss as well.

and if you still need a place to send it, just let me know...

December 20, 2005 2:28 PM  

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