Thursday, November 10, 2005

Things that make me mad

When my car alarm goes off in the middle of the night, I race downstairs, pull back the curtain, aim the clicker at the car and it doesn’t work. Why won’t the damn thing stop honking and flashing? I’m pushing all the buttons on the stupid thing. I may not be wearing my glasses but I know I'm aiming the thing at the car and I know I'm punching the right button because, really, I'm trying all of them. UGH!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Jingle Bells

OK, I have to say something: CHRISTMAS MUSIC ALREADY?!?!?! What the fuck people? As I was driving last weekend I heard a Christmas song on the radio. Seriously. It wasn’t even my FAVORITE Christmas song of all time (Wham’s “Last Christmas” - now THAT is a tune you can sing along with). No, this was pure crap.

Why are they pushing seasons farther and farther into the season before it? Why must they display Halloween candy in August and put up Christmas lights in October? Seriously, this is ridiculous. I do see that they’ve already started running the tacky black and white jewelry store commercials on TV. You know the ones that advertise the latest piece of shit diamond-chip necklace/earrings/bracelet you MUST buy for your girlfriend/wife/mistress so they know EXACTLY how much you love them? That marketing guy should be shot; I mean the “actors” aren’t even attractive. Do you really see that guy sleeping with THAT girl? I didn’t think so. Let me tell you that buying jewelery that is advertised on television with the low, low price of $99 attached to it ain’t love. It’s called uncreative and cheap. But Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Wait a minute, did I miss Thanksgiving?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


So last Thursday night there were some downed wires on the train tracks and all the trains were delayed. As we all stood in lines, feeling like a bunch of herded cattle ready for slaughter, the woman in front of me started up a conversation. A few minutes later the “kid” behind me joined in. We discussed what we did for a living, where we lived (in general terms, they could have been serial killers you know) and whether or not we should try to share a cab instead of waiting. Anyway, during that two and half hours talking with those 2 people I realized I was officially old.

The “kid” was adorable. 24, smart, funny, polite, cute and oh so cool. A boy any Mother would be thrilled to have her daughter bring home. Had I been 10 years younger I would have been ALL over him. Right there I looked at him and thought, “I am old because I am not attracted to him like that. I have a mortgage for Christ’s sake!” Sigh, oh well....

That reminds me, I need to go make an appointment to get my roots colored. I can’t have all this gray showing around the holidays when the flash bulbs start going off.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Huntin' seasin'

At 7 on Saturday morning, after three cups of coffee and listening to the dogs whine for a good fifteen minutes, we suit up in orange and walk out the door. Halfway down the curling drive CRACK followed by a hundred little KaBooms echoing off the mountainsides. Yep, it’s huntin’ seasin all right!

According to the caretaker of my Great Aunt’s house (where I’m staying) today is the first day of muzzleloader season. WHOO HOO! What I really wanted to ask was, “Uh, muzzleloaders? Like what the pilgrims carried but instead the hunters go out with hundreds of dollars of equipment, clothing and tree stands made from aluminum and they’re using old fashioned muzzleloaders?”

I understand the need to thin out the deer population. I do, I passed countless dead deer alongside the highway with their heads, legs and necks bent into unnatural positions. I understand that killing them is better than having them starve to death but I just don’t want to see it or hear it. What I do want to hear is that the deer that are killed are killed quickly, preferably with one shot between the eyes, the meat, pelts and everything else used and eaten and that is the end of it. Of course we all know that doesn’t happen.

There really shouldn’t be any dear season at all. They would have plenty of land had we not come in, ploughed it over and put ugly tract homes on their grazing land. Of course we never gave the land back to the Native Americans so why should we give it to some four-legged creatures… sigh…