Hello?

Last night at approximately 8:59 PM my phone rang. As I raced to the phone all I kept thinking was, “Who the hell would call me at this hour?”

It was Mr. Zinfandel. He was calling to see if I knew the hours kept by his other neighbor because he needed to return her call. Um, OK, so you are calling me to ask if I know if your direct next door neighbor may be awake or not because she had called you earlier? Apparently yes. He said her bedroom lights were on but he didn’t know if it was too late to call her or not. We decided that 9:00 was probably a good cut off time.

Now, it isn’t all that strange that he would call and ask this question. At past social gatherings we have discussed the early hours the nieghborhood keeps– early to bed, early to rise. Me being the agreed loser of the group with a 5:30 wake-up time and 9:30ish bedtime. (yes, yes, I know but I’m a morning person!!)

However, what I wanted to ask was, “Who did you call first to see if I may be awake or not?”

UPDATE: I am SO grateful my neighbors aren't like this guy. Of course he has given me tons of ideas just in case Mr. Zinfandel should decide to call again after 9:00 PM. (Credit goes to Glassdog for blogging about this article first.)

In MY opinion.....

As I was walking to work in 35 degree weather a girl walked by me in Ugg boots, a MicroMini skirt, a baby toll t-shirt and jean jacket. These are truly the days I wish I had a camera phone. This also got me thinking about all the things I see people wearing that I think are ridiculous. Since I’m not one to keep my thoughts to myself here is a list of my least favorite fashion items and why:

Ugg Boots. Read their name. Enough said. OK, no, I have to add more. What the fuck is with these THINGS being popular? I don’t care if I’m putting my own, non-Ugg boot clad foot in my mouth. Face it. They are some seriously UGGly pieces of footwear. They are not stylish but for some reason they are now fashionable. And yes, there IS a difference.

MicroMini skirts. I don’t care how nice your legs are or if your waist is smaller than mine was when I was born, they’re awful ESPECIALLY when you try to sit down. I don’t care if you are wearing your special Days of the Week underwear on the right day or not.

Pants with the crotches hanging to their knees. What the fuck? Seriously. Where do people even BUY them? Apparently in addition to having the crotch down at your knees, they now have to be worn UNDER you ass. Yup, they don’t even sit at your waist anymore. Gone are the labels that read” Sits at the Waist,” Sits Just Below the Waist” or just plain, “Low.” Now they read, “Sits below your ass,” “Sits WAY below your ass,” or, what I would need: “For those with no asses.” Really, I will take a picture one day. I have NO ASS. I make up for it by repeating the fact over and over again though.

Cropped Shirts. Honestly, out of all those little baby doll tee’s you’ve seen out there how many are worn by people who can actually, rightfully, wear one? Besides celebrities or sports stars? NONE. I do not want to see your fat hanging over your “ultra low” rise pants anymore than you would want to see mine so for God’s sake, buy a mirror and look at yourself before you waste $10. on it.

Ultra low rise pants. Yet another Fashion Don’t for those with a gut. If the only way the jeans fit are to have your fat roll over the top, put them back. Surprise, surprise, that actually means they DON’T FIT. I also don’t want to see your thong or g-string no matter how sexy you think it looks. If my Plumber can keep his crack from showing, you should be able to too.

PJs and slippers in public. I have already blogged about this but I think it deserves a second mention. No, no, no.

If you can’t walk in high heels, don’t wear them. I am sick of watching women teeter in shoes because Sarah Jessica Parker made them fashionable to wear with gym shorts (and you avid Sex and the City fans KNOW what episode I’m talking about. I’m still not even sure she did pull that one off). Just because you can stand in them doesn’t mean you can walk in them. Take them off and go buy a pair of flats. They’re in fashion now too, you know.

I know I’ve missed quite a few so if I have please leave it in the comment section. If you think it’s inappropriate, I most likely think it is too. I will update accordingly.

UPDATE: My friend Jen just e-mailed with these three to add:

1 curlers in your hair in public - yikes! - I agree.
2 swishy sweatsuits with matching tops and bottoms - I totally agree. I do love swishy pants though!
3 inappropriate "boots" on cold snowy days - drives me crazy when people do this and then they complain about the weather - don't get me started. - OK, see I do occasionally wear inappropriate footwear in bad weather but I NEVER complain about it.

Come on, get happy with me

And here I thought it would be a boring Wednesday. But no. For one, I was just told that I now get FOUR weeks of vacation time a year. (Now if they would just give me a raise so I can actually DO something in that fourth week things would be really great.)

Two, I am on cloud nine. This morning Cute Septa Kid said that when he first met me, and before I told him I graduated from college in '96, he thought I was around 22 or 24. BWAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!! I could have kissed him right there on the spot. With open mouth and some tongue for good measure (hmmm… maybe I CAN think of him “like that”). He’s also 24 and therefore knows what young looks like.

Third, my Mom had a dentist appointment downtown and so she offered to take me to lunch. Free food is good.

And fourth, the pouring rain being driven by 50 mile per hour winds have blown on out and it’s now sunny and pleasant outside.

Ahh yes, now I’ll just sit here and wait for the other shoe to drop… I’m a pessimist, get over it.

Um, do I know you?

As I was downstairs getting coffee from the kick-ass coffee machine on the first floor there was a gaggle of ladies standing around a woman staring at her ring finger. She had obviously just gotten engaged and her friends had surrounded her to see exactly how much her new fiancé loved her.

As I was waiting for my cup of coffee a woman said, “Did you see her ring?” All eyes were now on me so I said, “Well, no, I didn’t.” I walked over, oohed and ahhed over the ring on her finger and said, “It’s beautiful, congratulations!” Then her friend said, “Well, he has great taste, I mean he has to right? He picked her!”

I had to say, “Well, of course! You bet!” What I wanted to say was, “Um, who the hell are you? I have never seen any of you before in my life.”

Where is my walker?

Earlier this morning I sent an e-mail to a client telling him I would send along an item he had requested. I just got his reply back: “thx”

That’s it. What the fuck? Or to him, “WTF”? He holds TWO PhD’s and he replies to me with “thx”? Are you that lazy? Or am I just not worth the effort to type an additional 3 letters?

I’m sorry, (actually, no I’m not) but I can not stand all these little abbreviations and acronyms people use. Maybe it’s because I don’t text message and I don’t Instant Message people frequently but I think that in a business situation you can, and should, make that extra effort to type out, “Thanks.” I don’t even need a “thank you” or a “thank you very much” but I do think I at least deserve a “thanks.”

Afterthought:
I think I’m going to have to start categories. I already have enough rants for a “Bathroom Etiquette” category. I think I would call this one either, “Holy Shit I’m Turning into My Mother” or a simpler, “I’m Getting Old.” I guess this one would have to go into the new category too.