Friday, October 21, 2005

Customer or Therapist?

While I was in Chicago last week enjoying the culture, the food and having daily maid service, my brand new roof decided to spring not one but TWO leaks. At opposite sides of the house. That’s right. My BRAND NEW roof has TWO NEW leaks. I am not pleased.

I got in on Saturday, dumped my suitcase on the bed, noticed the stain on the freshly washed curtains and got the phone number for the roofing company; all in 10 seconds. I left a rather harsh message which made me feel somewhat better. But I will admit I spent the next several days playing out the conversation I was going to have with the roof guy and working on my tough guy persona.

My Project Manager, let’s call him Roger (because that’s his name), came at 11 this morning, on time which was nice, and I greeted him with a, “Hi, nice to see you, how are you?” He then replies with a, “Nice to see you too, I’m getting a divorce thanks for asking. I’m doing OK. All the guys at work noticed that I hadn’t been happy and this is for the best. I’ve been in and out of ______ ____ Hospital 4 times this past summer and my doctor, Dr. ____, right up the road here? Yeah, he’s been my doctor for 25 years and he didn’t know what it was, turned out I had severe anxiety so now I’m on Zoloft. But thanks for asking, I’m doing better now.”

OK, when you open the door to someone that you have only spent a few hours of your entire 31 and a half years with and you haven’t seen that person for 10 months and the reason they are there is because a service that I paid him a freaking TON of money for is all screwed up and I was really pissed when I last spoke to him, when I ask, “Hi, how are you?” I’m expecting to hear from you, “OK, thanks. Now what’s the problem with the roof?” Or is it just me?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Things that make me happy

Winning the $340 million Lottery jackpot. I didn’t win but I would assume it would have made me happy.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


No need to go out and buy a Powerball ticket. I just bought two and since I've already spent the $340 million in my head, it's only logical that I have the winning ticket. Don't worry, I'll share.

Cab driver or serial killer?

Sorry for not updating for a bit there. I spent yesterday in Cleveland. It was one of those get up at an ungodly hour and fly to Cleveland for a 4 hour meeting that I really didn’t need to be at, have an awful meal and then fly right back home exhausted and fuming because after sitting thru the 4 hours it was crystal clear that I REALLY didn’t need to go to, kind of meetings.

I did however get a lovely tour of Celveland courtesy of the cab driver from hell. Also know as the son of the BTK killer and his lovely wife the head of tourism for Cleveland.

It was a van, which means no safety glass partition. He looked like he hadn’t showered in weeks and had a bag on the floor with tools and YES duct tape in it. NOT KIDDING. I actually checked to make sure I could open the door again. He pointed out EVERY SINGLE building and, believe it or not, tree in that tourism way, “And if you look out the right side you’ll see the new section of the Cleveland Clinic. Blah, blah, blah, blah…..” while looking back at me in his rearview mirror every 10 seconds. Very creepy. He explained that he felt that it was his job to make everyone feel welcome in his town so he likes to “put on soft music and describe the city so people would know how wonderful Cleveland is and the people are.” Then he says,” and off to your right you’ll see the tall white building with the strange roof. That’s the Federal Courthouse and I spent the last two years..” to which I think, OH. MY. GOD. He’s been locked up for murder and dismembering the corpses! But instead he finishes with: “… on a Federal Grand Jury.” Ahh, yes, a jury of my peers. When we finally got to the airport I had to hold back from giving him some constructive criticism along the lines of, “You know what would make a lasting impression on your riders and make them want to come back to visit? Taking a shower and NOT treating this as a tour ride but I plain, old cab ride.” But I didn’t say it, I just thought it really hard. Same thing.

When I’m in a cab the only thing I want is for the driver to say, “Where to?” Nothing more, nothing less. A quick, “which route do you prefer?” is acceptable but I do not want to talk to you, I do not want to hear your life story and I certainly don’t give a rat’s ass if you used to own a restaurant that went bankrupt because your brother was skimming from the cash register. Is that too much to ask?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Bathroom Etiquette 1

On my floor at work there are 7 stalls in the women’s room. There are six regular stalls and the last stall is a handicap stall. I usually use the farthest regular stall. The one next to the handicap stall at the end. So today, I walk in and another woman is right behind me. I go in to my usual stall and she goes in to the one next to me.

Don’t you think that is bad bathroom etiquette? Even if she considers that “her” stall shouldn’t she use one that isn’t right next to mine? It’s not like there’s a whole lot of privacy anyway but doesn’t everyone know that that extra three feet of space gives one the impression of space and privacy? At least as much as one can get while peeing in the midst of one’s coworkers? And it’s not like anyone else was even in there!

I like working at home much better. I have my choice of two bathrooms and can go with the door open.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Chicago Town

Damn it. I just typed a huge entry and I when I hit “publish” POOF it, and the internet connection was gone. Well, that’s what I get for stealing my neighbor’s wireless.

Chicago was great. I didn’t eat my body weight in food and the one size too big suit fit perfectly on the last day of the conference… ahhhh, to live and learn.

I did manage to squeeze in two non-work related things for which I was grateful. One, I went to the Art Institute which is, quite simply, amazing. I only had a half hour so I raced around and soaked up as much culture as one possibly can while shoving wannabe art students who all show their individuality by not brushing their hair, wearing pants that are either 10 sizes too big or 10 sizes too small and piercings in places where god didn’t intend one to have extra holes, out of the way so I could get to the other paintings.

The other thing I did was a little Magnificent Mile shopping including a quick stop in Sephora. I love Sephora. I don’t know why. I don’t wear much make-up and the make-up I do wear is the same stuff I’ve been wearing for over 10 years but there is something about that store that just makes every last drop of estrogen flowing through my body bubble to the surface. I was very good. I only bought one lip gloss. Granted, it was $15 but it was only one thing. I also got some of the best comedic material in awhile.....

While I was applying the zillionth color of lip gloss to my hand to check colors a 20-something hip chick was trying on perfume with her equally hip boyfriend:

Chick: Do you like this one?
Guy: Ugh, you smell like my Mother!
Chick: So do you like it?

What I wanted to tell her: Uh, Sweetie, I’d try another one if I were you.