Friday, February 17, 2006

One person's idea of funny is another person's idea of huh?

There is a woman here at work who I see only in the bathroom or the kitchen area and she finds this utterly hysterical. What I don’t get is WHY?

I drink a lot of water everyday and subsequently I spend a lot of my time peeing. I don’t drink a lot because I’m really thirsty or because of the health benefits, I drink it for something to do. See, I need an excuse to get up during the day or I would never leave my chair and the allure of my computer monitor. Now since I’m in the bathroom at least 6 times a day there is a pretty good likelihood that I’ll see the same person in there more than once. And, in fact, I do see some people in there multiple times a day. But there is only one woman who thinks it’s our comedic destiny to have our bladders need emptying at the same time.

If I pass her on my way there she’ll say, “I was going to go in there in a minute! HAH HAH HAH!” Or if I see her in the kitchen area she’ll say, “I always run into you in here!” Well, that’s not quite true. I only ran into her in the bathroom twice this week (yes, I now count) and in the kitchen our paths only crossed once. After our last kitchen crossing and quick conversation, a friend of hers whispered, “Who is that?” to which she replied as I was leaving, “She and I always go to the bathroom at the same time or go into the kitchen at the same time, it’s so funny! And these are the only places I ever see her!”

What I don’t think she understands is that if I’m not in my office these are the ONLY other places I go in this building. But I still just don’t get why she thinks this is funny. Am I missing something?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Bathroom Etiquette #5

In honor of this being my 100th post, I find it appropriate that this be a Bathroom Etiquette Post:

If you feel that you must carry your can of AquaNet hairspray into the Ladies room to tease your hair up to impossible heights, please be aware of the woman coming out of the stall behind you as you spray your ozone depleting hairspray backwards.

I do not want to inhale the fumes of your liquid hair glue and find it unbelievably rude that you are not aware, or are blinded by the spray, and can’t see in the mirror someone coming out of the stall behind you. Of course being blind would explain not being able to see that your hair looks like Joan Cusack’s in Working Girl.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine'$ Day

Ahh, yes Valentine’s Day. The day Hallmark executives have chosen to ensure that the company exceeds its profit margins in the first quarter thus guaranteeing Christmas bonuses for all employees.

I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. It’s not that I’m not a fan of love, I am, or that I’m anti-relationships, I’m not (God knows I’ve been in enough of them). It’s just that it seems ridiculous to have one day chosen for you to express your love for someone and in expressing that love you must buy roses at ten times their normal cost, go out to dinner where the price fix menu is double your normal weekly grocery bill or buy chocolates in a heart shaped box with plastic flowers on top.

I do find it to be the perfect holiday for those under the age of 10. As a kid it was a lot of fun to dress up in red and pink, make cards for all the kids in class, bake and frost cupcakes and not do any school work. And I really love getting a Valentine’s Day card from my 4 year old niece who decorates the card with stickers, glitter glue and signs her card, “Love, O_____ F_____.” First and last name, in case I was guessing who O was.

Truthfully, I’d rather celebrate the day after Valentine’s day; February 15th. The day all chocolate goes on sale for 50% off.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Seventeen inches, baby!!

OK, we got SEVENTEEN inches of snow yesterday. It’s gorgeous until you have to shovel it and realize it weighs a million tons per cubic inch. And no, I’m not exaggerating. I came close to OD’ing on Advil yesterday and everything thing still hurts. BUT, I LOVE IT.

I really do love the snow. I love getting snowed in and what better way to spend the day AFTER Mr. Zinfandel’s party than being forced to stay indoors. Oh yes, and, AGAIN, with the neighbors. While the snow was falling I offered to have everyone over for pancakes after a morning of shoveling. Who knew they’d take me seriously?!? So after an hour and a half of shoveling 200 million pounds of snow, I hosted about 12 hungry adults who brought whatever was in their refrigerators to share. It was fun. Really fun. We ate, drank four pots of coffee, were merry and watched the news and their coverage of the latest “storm of the century.”

The non-stop news coverage of snow storms always makes me laugh. They drag in all their weather people and then send their reporters out to different parts of the city where, on cue, they say things like, “Well, here in Manayunk it’s still snowing. We’re up to 10 inches here, now to Bob. Bob?” “ Thanks, Joe, yes, it’s still snowing here too. We’ve got 10 and a half inches and people are starting to shovel. How much more are we going to expect, Amy?” “Well, Bob, yes, we’re expecting the snow to continue for at least another few hours. Howard, how does it look where you are?” And on and on it goes for HOURS. But what kills me is how much it sucks you in! We didn’t turn it off. Do we watch because we think they’re going to tell us something new? Like, “Wow, Amy, it looks like we read the Doppler Eight Million all wrong and it seems we’re going to get twelve FEET of snow, not inches. Our bad!” or that maybe its actually 75 and sunny just five miles south of where we are. Whatever it is, they have us hooked. Snow storm coverage is the MSG of the Weather world.

Here is my favorite picture from the storm: